Thursday, May 21, 2009

Making Me Work For It

So you aren't going to call me and tell me you have a kid that wants to be in a video? Well, I'll call you then I guess. Making me work for it. Good grief. ;-)

Salinda did school work today without being told too. She also ate healthy today, even though she threw up this morning. I guess this blog can be a Journal of her pregnancy as well. Or maybe I should start yet other one for that so you don't have to follow it all? What do you think?

I figured something out today. The book said that pregnant women who have less stress and are optimistic have healthier babies. So in my desire to focus on a healthy baby, I have to alleviate stress. And guess who is the cause of most of her stress when she is home? You got it, me.

So in my desire to make the next generation be the healthiest and happiest it can be, I am going to have to cause her less stress. So I have decided that I need to just consider her only important job for the next eight months to take care of the baby inside. That means if she fails her classes and has no stress, it's OK. That means if she never does her chore, doesn't do her dishes, and watches too much TV, that's OK. If I can get her to eat right, take her vitamins, and live a less stressful life that is my job.

So I am back to the old saying -- I need to control only the person I can control -- which is me. I can't MAKE her pass her classes, but I can make myself shut up and let her sleep when I want to wake her up and remind her that she does NOT want to have to repeat all these classes when she is more pregnant or tying to parent.

In a strange way, the unborn baby has made me let go of her choices -- something I would have been much happier doing months ago.

And if anyone is wondering about online high school: Unless you are NOT NOT NOT a control freak and unless you have a very responsible teen, don't go there. Success stories to contradict me are welcome on the blog, but we made a very bad decision when we chose online school for Salinda. She will fail at least 2 classes and maybe more. And the amount of stress it caused me and the hours of my time I lost....

BUT, that part was my own stupid fault. I made myself work for her grades when she didn't care about them. I'm an idiot.

But you knew that. ;-)


Lindy said...

I mean this very kindly, You might want to rethink the no responsibility tact.Your daughter should not be exempt from all her responsibilities because she is pregnant. In a round about way you are rewarding her. Once the baby is here, her responsibilities are going to increase 100 fold.
Every decision she makes can no longer be just about her. If she cannot handle the responsibilities of school and household chores,how will she be able to care for her child? This is something you need to find out before the baby gets here so good decisions can be made for the baby. Remember, her sister is watching. You do not want it to seem like having a baby makes your life easier.
Parenting teens is always a tightrope walk. Parenting our teens is a tightrope walk in a hurricane.
Hang in there.

Claudia said...

I probably didn't explain myself clearly -- or did so at an extreme.

I will still remind her of what she needs to do and expect certain things to happen, but she has a personality where she will do things, as she says, "when i'm good and ready and not because you are forcing me to do it."

Today she proved that to be true..... Had a more productive day in every way than she has had in months.

So it's more about me staying out of it and simply letting her situation dictate the expectations instead of me......

I'll blog more about that tomorrow.

Torina said...

My daughter, believe it or not, is the world's biggest foster adoption advocate. If only we lived closer because my little actress would be perfect for the part :)