Sunday, July 19, 2009

Sorry to Leave You Hanging

I don't usually do that, do I?

I don't usually completely leave you hanging. But on Friday I just ran out of energy. I mean completely. I don't remember being this tired ever. I was just at the end of myself. I had been on this hyper-manic energy boosted wild thing for about two weeks where I never stopped pushing even long enough to catch my breath. And then I crashed. Hard.

So, I just sat there. Sadie and I rented two videos and I took the day completely off of both jobs and just relaxed. I didn't answer a single email that was work related. I went to bed early and I slept in later than usual.

Yesterday was a day completely devoted to soccer -- the District Championship for Ricardo. It was a lot of fun and I started to feel like my old self again. Kyle and his girlfriend joined us for part of the day and we saw a movie between games. The day was relaxed and even Dominyk did quite well.

Today we're headed for church and lunch out with friends we haven't spent time with in a while. My life has been so busy that I've made no time to connect and I got fed up with THAT and set it up yesterday. They are amazing and I've missed hanging out with them.

Part of my lack of energy stems from anticipatory stress. Tony called and is coming home sometime in the next week or so. We as a family have decided to try together to give him a fresh start. He is growing up a little more all the time and if the kids here were just a little more tolerant of him and more supportive, I think we could actually see some improvement.

Second stressor is the John situation. We feel he has no option that will allow him to be successful other than allowing him to move back home. He may or may not be successful, but we feel we owe him the best chance possible to complete his probation and have all the charges off his record. It's a scary proposition, but we've all changed a lot since he lived here, even me, so maybe we can do this.

Third stressor, of course, is Salinda's future plans, which are still unknown. That I"ve been handling OK at this point, but space is becoming more limited at our house as people are moving in. Ivan finally disclosed that he doesn't feel safe with his step-dad, which is where his mom is living right now, so he may be with us indefinitely. He's never a problem and I can't let him leave and go somewhere where he isn't safe. So not knowing what she will decide about where to live before and after the baby is born is hanging out there as well.

I've gotten pretty good at managing all this and handling it one day at a time but there are some major changes brewing at work and I'm involved in a ton of things at church all the sudden the invincible CMF got to the point she couldn't absorb it all. So I had my day.


I've also been in contact with Past/Future and may be posting some of her story with her permission soon.

i love my life. I really do. But I guess even I have to leave you hanging once and a while and take a day off.

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