Friday, January 15, 2010

The Irony of it All ....

Yesterday morning Tony, Dominyk and I had to go to therapy together and we had a really nice time, bordering on delightful. For some reason they were cooperative and fun and didn't argue with each other much at all. They were pleasant. It was nice.

This morning and last night, not so much. I have realized that there is a lot of irony in me being a speaker and author when really I'm convinced that I'm not all that great a mother. I am less patient than I should be, and as my husband says, "You can be a bit abrasive sometimes" which I'm sure he means as an understatement. I have a simple message to deliver to me my kids that should take all of two calm minutes and somehow they turn it into 20 minutes of annoying interchange where I'm punished for confronting them.

If a person were to list qualities of a good mother, my personality would immediately disqualify me. I'm not exactly nourishing (If it doesn't bleed, it doesn't need a bandaid -- bandaids are to protect furniture), I am not patient, I speak before I think, and I don't let things go. My expectations are unrealistic sometimes, and I get involved in work and don't pay full attention to my kids. I could go on but then you're going to think that I want you to comment that I'm a good mom, and that isn't my point at all.

All I'm saying is that if anyone could build a case for why they shouldn't adopt kids, I could easily have done it. And you know what? They're still alive and so am I. And I"m a better person than when I started.

I met with a family this week who is reading a case file for the first time. This is definitely one of the most difficult pieces of the process -- to hold information about all the behaviors of kids over the years and make a decision about whether or not they will fit into your family. The case file is not a crystal ball and there is no way to predict what will happen.

But I looked at them and said -- I can't predict what will happen with these kids. All I know is this: In 15 years the kids will have been better off to have been with you and you will be different people by then. You will have grown and learned.

That is the only guarantee I can give them.

And through all we've been through it has proven true for us as well. And if an unlikely mother like me can do it, anybody can.

4 comments:

MJ said...

Claudia -- you rock! As you were describing your personality, I coudl so relate. Compassion is not my strong suit and yeah the bandaid line was awesome. s

Little Wonder said...

No one is perfect. You are a wonderful momma to your kids.

K....mom said...

Case file? There's a case file? At what point in the process does that get read?

Claudia said...

For several states where full disclosure is the law, the case file is read after the family is tentatively matched and before they say a final yes and ICPC is initiated. however.... some states don't do it at all and others do it at a different point in the process