Monday, January 18, 2010
Is Attachment Disorder Contagious?
My kids have a cycle. It starts at the top when life is grand. The motivation to change is high at the top of the circle. Optimism prevails. Life is as good as can be for him/her and she/he has been able to manipulate things and people to get most of what they want. They are loving and appear attached at this point ... wanting life to be as grand for you as it is for them -- and wanting you to feel good about them.
Then trouble comes. They start to slip. Something goes wrong -- a boy or girl doesn't like them any more, they get caught in a lie, or get arrested or something. And then they begin to spiral down.
You can watch things unravel. Life starts to fall apart and suddenly the parent is the enemy once again. The hugs stop, the glares start, and cooperation ceases.
Then they hit bottom. Hard. Major hopelessness and depression. Pure hatred and anger towards parents. Absolute refusal to do anything at all.
And then for some reason the tide turns.... something goes right and suddenly, at the blink of an eye they are back on top again.
Problem is, the top is back to back from the bottom. There is no ladder to climb to get to top after hitting bottom. It's a circle and the line is crossed almost instantly. And since I have executive functioning of the brain and I do have a working memory when they hit bottom TWO DAYS AGO.... and hated my guts.... and wanted me dead... and stole from me and lied to me..... that stays in my mind.
So then when suddenly they are on top of the world, and the "i love you" moms and the hugs are coming at me full force, I understand attachment disorder. I understand a lack of trust. I understand not wanting a person to touch me. Because I remember yesterdays pain.
Attachment Disorder isn't hereditary but it may be contagious. I think you can get it from your children.