Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Now we call him the Slink....

Have you heard the song "They call him the streak" ... well it's been running through my mind all last night and today... except for it's slink ... not streak..... John is a slink.

Do you have a slink? A slink is someone who slips in and slips out, avoiding confrontation, taking what they need without communication. They are unpredictable and they slink around the house .... sneaking in, sneaking out, like a slithery snake.

Last night John somehow slithered in between 5 and 7 and told Bart that when we were both home he wanted to talk to both of us ... in private. So when Bart got home from his meeting at 7:45 (I had come home at 7, and John was slinking around not speaking to me) at 7:45 he told John we were ready. He never bothered to come up so we went to bed and he slinked out around 10:15.

This morning I asked Leon if he had seen John and Leon said no, he didn't spend the night at our house. So I was joking with Leon and telling him that John was sure being slinky, slithering in and out like a serpent. I took a shower and when I got out Leon simply said, "The slink is back." He told me that he and the new girlfriend had gone downstiars.

It was early in the morning on a day when we had a late start and most of the boys were in bed in the room next to where John sleeps. I did not think it would be fair to them to crawl out of bed and be surprised to open their bedroom door and find a girl sitting there. I had had enough. I was not planning to be nice.

I got less nice when I went downstairs to find them in bed together in John's bed in the dark. They were fully clothed, but STILL. I simply said "John, this is NOT OK and obviously you don't know how to communicate the rules to your girlfriend. So C*****, if that's who is here on this particular day, you need to come up and talk to me right now. John put up a fuss and said, "You can't do that." I said YES I CAN. This is MY house and Dad and I are paying the bills and I will do whatever I please in my own house. C*****, come with me."

To her credit, the girl handled it well. I explained to her that we had had no idea where John had been. She said that he had been at her house but that he had slept on the couch. And I explained to her that she should then have no problem understanding why I didn't want her in my son's bed. I told her she was welcome any time IF we knew in advance she was coming, if they hung out in other areas of the house, and if they had to be in his room, the door was left open and the light on.

I got a call from the school yesterday with a sympathetic teacher who was feeling so sorry for John and wondered if I cared enough (insinuation) to attend a meeting about John's poor grades. She said she was worried about him. I gave her some background about how hard I had tried to get him to school and explained he hadn't slept at home since last Tuesday night. I said if he was actually willing to attempt to follow some kind of rules I might be willing to invest a little of my time in his life. I told her he was great at playing the victim and making people feel sorry for him but that he was unwilling to do anything. I assured her he had parents that more than cared.

Calls like this and discussions I had while at the hospital remind me that all of us just need to remember that all we see is the tip of the iceburg. I'm sure that a Master's Level White Professional is not quite how this teacher, or the nurses at the hospital, were picturing poor John and Salinda's mother. And who knows what my kids or other people tell them.

So anyway. The slink is off to school, supposedly, with C*****.... however C***** is not getting along so well with her own mother, so she might see if her dad can pick her up tonight.... and the slink will be back to slinking around our house for a few days.

Can you tell I'm liking the word slink?

(and if you are new to this blog and don't know the history, please don't leave a comment about name-calling or how I don't love my son. I do. After a while, though, a 19 year old who is failing his 2nd year of 12th grade and not only unemployed, but doesn't have time to do a household chore, who sneaks in and out unannounced, can't complain to much if his only consequence is his mother calling him a slink on her blog).

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