Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Battle is with my Own Mouth and Trying to Keep it Shut

So over 180 of you defiant humans went over and checked out my fitness blog yesterday when I told you not to. I'm not even going to tell you today that I updated it because it isn't worth reading anyway, which I understand is why you don't head over there very often. But still, 185 hits when I tell you not too. I'm shaking my head.

My major mistake over the past 12 years of parenting a child with FASD is that I talk to much. So I consigned myself to speaking one sentence to a 21 year old who didn't do his dishes last night. The expectation in the house is if they are not done the night before, you get up early in the morning to do them. I said one sentence, confirmed that he heard me, and then left. Of course he didn't get up.

Now in the past I would have engaged him in a conversation as to why that choice was bad. I would have explained that he was living here rent free and it's the least he could do. I would have told him that I do all the things he asks of me. I would have mentioned to him how we don't like to see dirty dishes hanging around, and how it wasn't fair that someone else would have to do them. in fact, I can think of probably three full pages of information I could have provided him.

The result would have been the same. Except that we would both have been angrier. Possibly, if I had badgered him enough the dishes would have been at least attempted, but the result would have been a very unpleasant morning around here for everyone.

The only reason i woke him up at all was so that he wouldn't have the excuse of forgetting last night -- which actually could be the truth.

In 20 minutes I will have to go down and wake him up again or he won't make it work. Yes, I have to do my part. Now there are those who might say, let him sleep in and lose his job -- those are natural consequences. But I want him working. And natural consequences don't work with FASD anyway.

So this morning is all about me keeping my mouth shut. Easier said than done.


Marie said...

I love reading your blog. It helps immensely in dealing with my ONE somewhat oppositional child. That must make you laugh! I am wondering, what are your plans long term with the 21 year old? I know you are hoping he will keep his job and be able to live on his own, but how long do you plan to help him? I am only curious, no judgments from me!

Becky said...

"natural consequences don't work with FASD anyway"

So true. So hard to remember.

MomInTheTrench said...

This post was what I needed to read today. You are so right.