My Journey as a Foster and Adoptive Parent.... 12 kids in 12 years.
sometimes the system makes me so very sad, this is one of those times.
Thank you for being someone who still pushes to keep this from happening. I know how sad it is to keep seeing the same kids pop up over and over in the emails you do send, but then again there was one who didn't look promising in January when his info said he'd need a father figure but had information in the next email that changed all that. I hope this time things work out for this girl. Thank you for all you do.
Wow, I'm so sorry. It's sad for me to know it happened. . .I can't imagine how you feel. Some things are so hard to stomach. Thank you for working so hard for hurt kids.
We are thinking of updating our hs again. As I cruise the TARE I see teens we inquired on many years ago for our other adoptions and never. received. the. courtesy. of. a. response. There are 2 boys we watched age out and never knew why.On the flip side a child who we did not maintain pre adoptive placement on because of very severe saftey issues is on the TARE as a moderate care.(he was a basic for us) He molested a 5 yr old while in a secure psych facility.That was just one of his saftey issues. He has always been severe. Of course the flip side of that is our middle son who was classified as a "4" (now would be severe) who has been the easiest kid we have ever parented.We can't figure it out.Yet here we go again.....
I was in foster care for 8 years and aged out at 18yrs. Then I lived out of my car and a few friends houses while I tried to finish high school, keep my job, and just stay alive until I went to college. BTW I had no close friends until I was 18 because I was isolated in foster care. I wasn't allowed to have friends...I didn't even understand sarcasm when I went to college. I was abused in every way possible, neglected and rejected by anyone and everyone I ever got close to. I graduated from a small liberal arts college (that costs 50 grand a yr to attend)this past December 2009. No one helped me ever. Not once did someone give me money I didn't work for or hold my hand thru the hardest times of my life. One time I starved and lost 12 lbs to buy my books for the next semester. I finally accomplished my goal of being in that 2% of foster children who get a degree, but now I have a better goal...death. Why? bc up until Jan of this year I had a bf for 2 years who brought me into his home where he and his family taught me what it's like to have a family. I cried the first time I realized what I had missed my whole life. Well, now that I know what it's like to have a family, and I don't have one...I'm numb. All that fight I had in me to live has vanished. I have a 152 IQ, supposedly I'm a 9 on a 1-10 scale in appearance. These are things that everyone wants right? Well, I feel like I have nothing. Unless I can somehow trade my looks and my brains for a family and friends who accept me for who I am and love me...I am a nothing, a nobody who is poison to everything she touches. I have guys chasing after me constantly, but I know they would never accept me for who I really am. I'm not normal and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I'm still very behind socially and struggle to appear normal and fit in, but keep my distance so that I don't scare anyone away. There are 6 billion people on this planet and I'm not all that important to any one of them. Girls my age tend to hate me bc I'm pretty and men only want arm candy. I'm a worthless human being, unworthy of love. Lately I've been having a great time with this game I call "how much can my body take". I basically have a unisom and alcohol party hosted in the stomach of yours truly. Every time I've played this game, I've been the loser, waking up to unfortunately see the light of another day. The irony in this is that I have always tried to make other people feel welcomed and important...bc I have ALWAYS known what it's like to feel the opposite. Anyone u ask about me would say I'm very thoughtful considerate, and caring. You ppl cant even call me selfish bc there is no one that will miss me for more than a day. No one even knows me. People only know what I let them see...happy go lucky, cheerful me. I was always told to hide that I was a foster child. Sometimes people will make a comment about how I was probably homecoming queen in high school...I laugh to myself and wonder what they would say if I told the truth. I'm actually really messed up...serious abandonment and attachment issues. I've built a protective barrier inside me that puts the Great Wall of China to shame. I'm pretty sure all of my ex boyfriends think I'm crazy. One of my guy friends was telling me what he's looking for in a girl. He said blah blah and then added "and she cant be from a messed up family or an orphan" to which I replied "please elaborate" as I cried inside. The college I graduated from is composed mostly of kids from seemingly perfect families. No one knows my truth bc I refuse share this and deal with the consequences. I spend every holiday by myself. I blow off questions about my family, or I lie. The only person that knew was my ex of 2 years, his mom, and his sister. The only things I ever feel are hurt and indifference for the past 3 months. Please God let me win my game tonight.
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