We are back at the same point with an adult son that we have been at before. He is beginning the spiral downhill that he managed to avoid for two months. He has FASD and RAD and nearly zero relationship with us. But to this point he has been working full time and holding his own. Until he got the car, which was the beginning of the downhill journey.
I am frustrated with him and I am worried about him. And his refusal to get out of bed this morning stresses me out. I am facing a week of dealing with him alone. But the bottom line is this? Will me freaking out, yelling at him, expressing my frustration, lecturing, or any of the many other things I've tried work?
So maybe just trying to kindly find out if there is anything we can do to help (besides throwing cash at him) and not escalating him or making him angry might be the best response at this point. "Kicking a kid out", even if it's an adult, and making him homeless sounds pretty easy from the outside. But for those of us who have done it before, it isn't pleasant.
And then we look at his disabilities that are so clear and ask ourselves if we would do the same thing if it was a child that has another kind of a disability? Can you imagine a family deciding to kick out a child with Down's Syndrome when they became an adult because they couldn't do what their parents asked of them?
So if we minimize the effect he has on everybody else (to this point he's been pretty innocuous for the most part) and try to respond with compassion, it probably won't help to change the outcome, but it will most likely not destroy the relationship.
The real key, and, as the Adoption Counselor reminds us, it is always, always about me, is for me to remain calm and understanding and not just griping at him, and pointing out that he is screwing up his life. I doubt that is going to impact him at all if I do that... because I've done it a thousand times before. I just need to take it one day at a time and try to be as helpful as I can.
At least until Bart gets back home and we can figure out our next steps....