Bart has been out of town since Monday morning and he will be gone until Tuesday. He has Leon and WIlson with him and they are having a great time with his sister out in New York as he prepares for a Saturday wedding.
Yesterday was a stressful day. There were so many things that happened that were piling up and they were just annoying me. Mike and his friend from Iowa who isn't going any where any time soon. He's trying to appease me and what he sees are my ridiculous rules, but it's driving me nuts. Then there is John, who really wants me to come visit him in jail, but I"m not sure I should leave Dominyk and it's a six hour trip and I'm not all that thrilled with the idea of taking him.
Tony has got it in his head he's ready to come home, but his grandmother isn't quite ready to bring him. Bart's mom has been letting Tony stay with her all summer and he has been at his best at times and others at his worst. So he called several times last night saying he might be coming home today, and I knew I wasn't emotionally ready for that.
The other kids, because there are so few kids at home, are being lax about some of the rules and forgetting to tell me things -- like that they need a ride somewhere, or that they're going to be late getting home, and that makes me nervous as well.
When Bart is gone I hate to burden him. I try to handle everything alone, but last night I just couldn't take it any more. WHen I'm emotionally distraught I often eat, which I'm trying not to do, or I dump on Kari, but I feel bad since she's going through so much crap lately. I called my mother, but she has plenty of her own worries.
So I gave in and typed several sentences to Bart about all the things that were troubling him. My only response was: I'm going to bed. Then nothing.
So I ended up with this huge gaping feeling of abandonment that I couldn't shake. I am obviously still recovering emotionally from the wedding and then the week of parenting alone, but that was a very icky feeling.
This morning I called him to find out that my internet had cut out and that he had said he was sorry for what I was going through and that then it showed I had disconnected! So all that emotional energy was all because of technical issues.
I guess having an online relationship with him is probably not the best idea. ;-)