tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post1270349410880197964..comments2023-12-10T07:27:17.914-05:00Comments on Never a Dull Moment: When Things Get MessyClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057662343562530495noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-86259806000241644102010-05-01T11:10:11.286-05:002010-05-01T11:10:11.286-05:00Thank you for this post, I really need this today!...Thank you for this post, I really need this today! As a bio parent first and then as an adoptive parent I had to change my thinking. Learning to truly accept and love. Learning to not make excuses when my child acts up in public and embarrasses me to death with his unusual behavior. So many times I have wanted to say "he's adopted" just to avoid strangers condemning looks. <br /> <br />Know I know that my own "perfect" children would have benefited greatly from my new outlook on life. Maybe they wouldn't have felt so burdened to be "perfect". <br /><br />I love all my children. Now when people ask me which ones are adopted I usually respond "I don't know, I've forgotten!"Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14025340983033219121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-70495322129177176402009-10-29T00:50:30.285-06:002009-10-29T00:50:30.285-06:00a beautiful post
my thoughts exactly
- to think I ...a beautiful post<br />my thoughts exactly<br />- to think I once thought of adoption as a way I could swoop in and rescue a child who would be grateful!Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12224386931702579636noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-42382498734581155132009-10-28T12:57:32.952-06:002009-10-28T12:57:32.952-06:00Thank you, Claudia. You have such a gift for putt...Thank you, Claudia. You have such a gift for putting our experiences as adoptive parents into words. :) The life that we lead is so far from any kind of "normal." Many Christians will say, "yes, it is our job to care for orphans..." but will not step up and do something. Thank you for speaking out about this!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-83416326707308207292009-10-27T19:39:30.253-06:002009-10-27T19:39:30.253-06:00We have been living this learning curve for about ...We have been living this learning curve for about 12 years. We adopted infants privately back in the 90's and yet have experiences very similar to the ones you describe in your foster-adopted kids. For us the shame and bewilderment of knowing they have been in our care and the cirle of love called "our family" since birth has been hard to swallow considering both of our children have behaved well outside the tidy lines of Christian ideals since puberty hit and even before. On the one hand we face the ignorance of racist comments such as: "See it's in their culture-there's nothing you can do about that!" At other times, we navigate the crises of promiscuity, assaults, delinquency, court orders,etc.all while receiving pity, and sympathy not true support. Neither kind of "support" is helpful and both are dripping with the evidence of what you have described so aptly as being the prevalent attitude of Christians who want to live their lives far too insulated. It is, however, good to look at the cross to get a good picture of what to expect as a Chistian parent. Its going to get bloody and painful but it is all meant to bring about God's kingdom here on earth. Why are we so surprised?!Nancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15727947072342792556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-6361357868405279432009-10-27T16:48:30.514-06:002009-10-27T16:48:30.514-06:00Awesome post, Claudia!
Lindy--CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP...Awesome post, Claudia!<br /><br />Lindy--CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-56386484575909669582009-10-27T14:36:35.386-06:002009-10-27T14:36:35.386-06:00you my dear are brillant and articulate and that w...you my dear are brillant and articulate and that was so well written. When people meet our boys they always ask where htye are from - the people at our parish act as though we can walk on water all because we have adopted older kids from the system... I think this is what we were called to, I believe with every fiber of my being ( even though I don't always like it) that the kids that are meant to be in my life will be the kids that are here. <br /><br />On another note altogether I talked about today at a meeting where I tried to kick our local CAS into providing some post adoption support and I am slowly making head way. I need some short but powerful quotes about adoption - I thought you might have a few up your sleeve, I mentioned Christine's village/roofv one and although we all enjoyed it wasn't quite what we are looking for - got any suggestions. You can comment ont he blog or email me - stellarparenting @ hotmail. com ( take out the spaces)stellarparenting.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04975942737904876508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-29790543345927389162009-10-27T14:27:19.809-06:002009-10-27T14:27:19.809-06:00Living in the trenches is hard. Most mainstream Ch...Living in the trenches is hard. Most mainstream Christians want a nice neat world where they never have to see the ugly. They also somehow think they are owed at least a middle class lifestyle,but I won't head there today.<br />Anything that detracts from their version of life must be due to someone else's' sin and must be avoided. A good part of the New Testament is reworded so they can feel good about ignoring most of the world.<br />When it pertains to adoption,mainly older child via foster care adoption, it makes me a little angry. These are hurt children. They are not less in need of a family. They are not contagious. They are hurt. They do not act the way your child who has been loved since birth and protected from the swill behaves. They have lived in hell and have the burns to prove it. <br />Those of us who are called to parent them are not given a whole lot of help. We are given a very hurt child and a handshake. Some of our workers have lied to us. Some of our children are not who we were told they were. You learn to deal. That is grace BTW. Dealing with the stuff no one else wants to deal with and maintaining your sanity. It isn't like we are given a medal or anything. What we get is a quick lesson in humility and self defense. I think most of us who keep some semblance of sanity have a warped sense of humor,and a reliance on God to get through that most do not need. I mean if your biggest parenting issue is Johnny isn't cleaning his room and Suzie had a spat with the girl down the street,what need do you have for the wisdom from above. <br />Have a child tell you all about guarding the door while BM turned tricks and being molested by a half a dozen adults and you need some wisdom. (and a place to throw up where you child can't see you)<br />Our kids are the walking wounded. Many of them try and recreate the hell they were used to in our homes.<br />Now you need wisdom!<br />I remember once an church acquaintance was appalled my oldest son told me to shut up or that he hated me and I didn't react.<br />She was even more appalled when I told her we were working on him not calling me a F*cking B*tch and not throwing the furniture.<br />With my youngest one now,I am not even to the point of worrying about the f*cking b*tch,preferring to deal with his homicidal ideation's instead. <br />And people wonder why we aren't in church anymore.....<br /><br />"Show me your faith without works and I will show you my faith by my works"Lindyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01409215673772443518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-56170600259021431142009-10-27T10:02:21.890-06:002009-10-27T10:02:21.890-06:00Indeed - a great post. I grew up in a messy world ...Indeed - a great post. I grew up in a messy world and our choice to adopt from foster care (in the eyes of some people), does seem unnecessarily messy to them. <br /><br />Getting involved with other peoples lives may lead to destruction, stolen vehicles and numerous things that can't be controlled. I'm scared but ready for that challenge. It has taken us a long time to build a home - I never had one growing up, and now that we do, I'm ready to share and take the bad with the good as it comes.Poor Opheliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12607056344892352533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-32290655684875635642009-10-27T07:07:20.378-06:002009-10-27T07:07:20.378-06:00i really, really loved this post. it reflects muc...i really, really loved this post. it reflects much of my own thinking. being an older mom, and doing all this for the 2nd time, i very often think the way you are thinking. my peers for the most part, don't get the "messiness" of what i chose to do. i no longer draw lines and make decisions in black and white. and feel much better about my decisions because i do that. having strict boundaries excludes lots of people and choices from your life. i am much more comfortable believing the way i do now. and not just giving lip service to the saying, until you've walked in their shoes... now i really live that philosophy.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16590278628017497891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-13096199443749471612009-10-27T07:06:58.520-06:002009-10-27T07:06:58.520-06:00i really, really loved this post. it reflects muc...i really, really loved this post. it reflects much of my own thinking. being an older mom, and doing all this for the 2nd time, i very often think the way you are thinking. my peers for the most part, don't get the "messiness" of what i chose to do. i no longer draw lines and make decisions in black and white. and feel much better about my decisions because i do that. having strict boundaries excludes lots of people and choices from your life. i am much more comfortable believing the way i do now. and not just giving lip service to the saying, until you've walked in their shoes... now i really live that philosophy.Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16590278628017497891noreply@blogger.com