tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post6192188656295175365..comments2023-12-10T07:27:17.914-05:00Comments on Never a Dull Moment: Stages of Grief for Adoptive Parents of Hurt KidsClaudiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02057662343562530495noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-34515588738549739552012-05-01T22:30:00.513-05:002012-05-01T22:30:00.513-05:00Wow, do you every know what's what. Thank you...Wow, do you every know what's what. Thank you for this. <br /><br />We've adopted 4 children from "the system." It has taken me 7 years to come to terms with the fact that I can't "parent it out of them." I can't fix them because they aren't broken; they just are who they are. <br /><br />Bi-Polar/Depression really sucks for an 8 year old and it is painful for his twin brother to witness; let alone understand. <br /><br />RAD sucks in a 12 year old, and it is painful for the family to witness. <br /><br />But, in all the sadness there is joy in knowing that, were they living in their birth homes, they would be worse; probably undiagnosed and flailing helplessly without help. <br /><br />Though it's hard on us, it is harder on them. I thank God that we have our blessings...and that He gives us those peaceful-moments-of-a-life-jacket to hold on to, when we hit those unexpected rapids.momwithbrownieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10303109123571195886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-84109131274132565412012-04-30T19:28:32.114-05:002012-04-30T19:28:32.114-05:00Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for posting this. ...Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for posting this. I expected things to be rough the first year or so after we got our children at 3 and 4 yo, and things did settle down to some degree. Then adolescence hit, new secret contact with the birth family which later came into the open after my daughter planned to run away to them, and new manifestations of FASD and a diagnosis of mild MR. I've found myself bouncing from one stage of grief to the other, and am encouraged that it is normal to feel that way. Your post is a gift of God to me at this time. Hugs!Mommy Linda'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842383966765894131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-26876957555620274432012-04-23T13:43:12.955-05:002012-04-23T13:43:12.955-05:00This was perfect!! I realized about 7 yrs ago tha...This was perfect!! I realized about 7 yrs ago that the stages of grief were exactly what I was going through with several of my kids. The school and social issues were exploding and I was just drowning in my grief. I was stuck in each stage and jumping around those stages for far too long (well, still am since the issues keep coming). I still can be completely thrown off balance when something new rains down, but at least I recognize it for what it is. I keep telling myself that certain things just won't matter in a few years as a way of getting thru the day sometimes. I don't know where anyone ever got the impression that adoption was all about kittens and rainbows - it sure isn't around my house!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14612523674452864077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-38608884191404491712012-04-23T11:07:06.046-05:002012-04-23T11:07:06.046-05:00This is pretty accurate to my experience, too. (M...This is pretty accurate to my experience, too. (My husband and I adopted two girls when they were 13 and 10. They are now 18 and 16.) I'd like to think that I've moved on to acceptance, but sometimes I unexpectedly get hit with a wave of remembered pain and grief. Only now, I use it to remind myself to show compassion for the girls, who also have grief for the things they've been through.<br /><br />Without God, I could not have come to this point.Christine Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09105391262429669001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-78414568537476990252012-04-23T10:40:00.735-05:002012-04-23T10:40:00.735-05:00Thank you for this. So often, the focus is on the...Thank you for this. So often, the focus is on the stages for the kids, but there truly are stages of grief for us parents. I recognize myself in all of these. Great post!Sharlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02595842351357925483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-51871346270147888532012-04-23T10:26:35.163-05:002012-04-23T10:26:35.163-05:00Thank you for this post. It is seldom that I read ...Thank you for this post. It is seldom that I read something and say to myself "that is exactly how I feel." Especially your comment about how it's not linear that we experience several of these emotions in different waves. I've also noticed that with having six kids I can be in a different stage with each of them which is quite the daily emotional roller coaster. GREAT POST!<br />MeLisa<br />www.adoptivelegacy.comAdoptive Legacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04620092541113018644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-49786090321277061372012-04-23T10:25:51.948-05:002012-04-23T10:25:51.948-05:00Thank you for this post. It is seldom that I read ...Thank you for this post. It is seldom that I read something and say to myself "that is exactly how I feel." Especially your comment about how it's not linear that we experience several of these emotions in different waves. I've also noticed that with having six kids I can be in a different stage with each of them which is quite the daily emotional roller coaster. GREAT POST!<br />MeLisa<br />www.adoptivelegacy.comAdoptive Legacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04620092541113018644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11190188.post-73341338456552063572012-04-23T10:06:40.224-05:002012-04-23T10:06:40.224-05:00I think the stages of grief can be revisted by the...I think the stages of grief can be revisted by the kids as well as the parents. Different triggers or life stages bring about different reactions for all of us. It's the commitment that holds it all together.Other Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14497334953872151453noreply@blogger.com