Memories

I just got off the phone with Kari who told me about what happened with her son Ben this morning. It took me back in time to some pretty tough memories.

We had to make the decision a couple times in the last several years to not allow children to return to our home. With John, it was because of his aggression and violent behavior. He was dangerous to himself and us and the other kids were traumatized. I wasn't afraid of getting hurt myself -- I figured a hospital stay at that time might have been relaxing -- but I was worried about what might happen if one of the kids got in the way when he was trying to hurt me. One night, I can remember, he chucked a hammer at me and there were three other little kids in the room and I got really stressed out about what could have happened to one of them.

So we had to make the statement that we could not keep everyone safe with John living at home. We falsely assumed that the response of our county would be "oh, you poor people. You've parented this troubled boy for 6 years and done all you could. Let us help you." But instead we got, "wow, something must be wrong with your parenting. Let's find out what that is."

And thus began years of Open "Child in Need of Protective Services" petitions, parenting evaluations, offers of services that were ineffective, professionals who questioned us incessantly, investigations, and constant stress caused by court hearings and all of the players who were involved.

So I know why Kari doesn't want to call 911. I know why she doesn't want to get that ball rolling. Because we have all learned, who have been through this, that getting help doesn't come without a huge price. And not knowing what price that may be is very, very scary.