We discovered another robbery -- apparently something that happened a couple weeks ago -- of all hte gift cards that were left from Christmas and my hospitalization. It is just so annoying. Added another person to the list of people who have stolen from us in 2010. It brought back all the crappy feelings of last weekend again. THere is really nothing to stop them except us being very careful. ANd I really am not interested in doing much with or for them right now.
There is another unbloggable situation that is also making me feel used and manipulated and sorry for myself. But my degree of frustration is much lower than it has been in the past. I think I just have unfortunately gotten used to being used and mistreated. I look at other families like ours who have it so much worse and I am reluctant to whine.
We talked about planning an event for those who have never stolen from us and we think the number is down to two or three kids who have never stolen from us, depending on your definition of stealing. The list of those who have directly taken money from us is long enough, but if you consider those who have spent money others have stolen, etc.,, it's a really small list of those kids we can trust.
Bart and I both hate living like this and we want to run away. Unfortunately that isn't a possibility right now.
I'm wondering what percentage of kids who are adopted as older children steal from their parents, so I'm doing an anonymous poll on my blog to get an idea. Please participate.
Thanks.
do you have a locked safe in your bedroom? Do you have a key lock for your bedroom door?
ReplyDeletei recommend both, by the way.
an IRL friend of mine has opted for the key-lock bedroom door and it has spared her many heartaches. (I was *cough cough* the one that gave her the locking door knob) We have a locking safe in our bedroom that is also fireproof. It's a touchpad combo with a key and it's not obtrusive, it fits neatly on a shelf.
I also recommend the motion sensor alarm. my, how much more peacefully I sleep!!!!
but, I haven't gotten to the teen and young adult years yet, so I give all of this advice with the knowledge that I am naive and ignorant!
I will be very interested to see how many people select "I have had more than a $1000 stolen from me".
ReplyDeleteWe adopted DQ at 11 mos old and she steals from us. I didn't want to mess up your survey since you were asking about older child adoptions.
ReplyDelete2 out of 4 "thieves" outgrew it. Maybe there is still something to hope for.
ReplyDeleteOf my 5 adopted sibs, 5 have stolen.
ReplyDeleteOne stole from me everyday of his 9+ years in our house. I don't miss it.
The other day I left money on the table and my husband remarked "how things have changed". We can leave money laying around and no one touches it. My youngest adoptive daughter does not steal anymore.
She asks for snacks and understands ownership. Took a long time but she is now honest.
In my experience, stealing is part of RAD. Kids with RAD do what they need to survive. Stealing and lying are up at the top. You either decide to not care that you're being stolen from or you lock everything up that's valuable to you and don't leave your kids home alone. Or if you're emotionally healthy enough, find a middle ground. If you have kids with RAD you have stealing. Just my opinion after raising two.
ReplyDeleteWe have one stealer out of four and I think we are doing pretty good. The fact that that all have rather low intelligence may have a lot to do with it though.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for you and your DH. I think a reward for the kids who have never stolen from you is a great idea. make it something fun that ALL the kids would really want to do, especially then thieves.
ReplyDeleteHowever, being what they are, the light-fingered contingent would probable see it as just another example of how they're unloved and how you prefer their siblings over them.
I've never had a stealing problem with our kids, but I think your and your DH should be extra, extra vigilant about locking things up, including jewelry, wallets and gift cards.
I'm sure the thieves want you to drop the issue but I say keep them on the hot seat and continue to let them know how hurt, angry, disappointed and so on the thefts have made you feel. Don't just let things go back to normal; it's what they're counting on. If there are any relatives and family friends whose esteem the thieves especially value, TELL THEM WHAT HAPPENED. You probably don't want to do this but it might help put a stop to the stealing if they can't keep up the facade any longer.
I've had him since he was 4 but only adopted him last summer when he was nearly 6. If that counts, then here it is.
ReplyDeleteHe's done a lot of other interesting things, but so far, he's never stolen from us. He tends more toward, well, stealing from himself.
He gives his money to "friends" because he thinks that's why they like him.
Sad.
My RAD kids were adopted at 5 and 7. They are now almost 9 and 11. One has been in residential treatment for 16 months now. The other regularly steals from us, but not money, because she has no use for it (yet). She used to steal from her school before we pulled her out. She has also stolen from a store (while I was with her!) None of my non-RAD adopted kids (adopted at 5,3, and 2) or my bio kid have ever stolen from us.
ReplyDeleteWe have 3 safes in our house after our daughter stole from us and then stole her sisters car and totaled it when she ran into a parked car (she was not hurt). She was 17 at the time with no drivers license. She is now 22 and has not been allowed in the house or on our property because we found pictures of her in our front yard playing with a gun. She is mentally ill and refuses treatment.
ReplyDeleteadopted twins at age 7, they will soon be 16, both have stolen. They both are RAD/FASD combo's. We lock our office and our bedroom when they are in the house alone. No valuables are left out, phone is locked up in office. They cannot resist the temptation - so we remove the temptation and life is much easier. A pain somedays, but much easier.
ReplyDeleteI've got two out of four that steal. My daughters (currently age 11-adopted at age 6) have stolen from me. Including a silly incident on Christmas Eve where they found my emergency key and entered my room without permission. I just never imagined I've have to lock my bedroom door. I'm now considering installing security cameras. They usually don't steal from anyone but me., although they have stolen jewelry from my oldest daughter. I invested in clear backpacks so I could monitor what they were taking out of the house. I usually inspect the bags and them before they leave. It's exhausting. Most days I feel like a jailer.
ReplyDelete