My commitment to myself to shut up lasted less than a day. All the sudden one of our sons who is employed full time time and got paid a week ago needs a loan to see a movie. And when I suggest that they aren't doing what we ask i have to listen, once again, while the hand is outstretched for our cash, about how unsupportive we are as a family. I guess room, board, and transportation for a twenty-one year old is completely substandard.
i shoulda shut up and let him have the money and the ride to the movie which actually turned into a ride to another part of town, but it is SO frustrating when no appreciation is every expressed and while a big chip on the shoulder is carried around our house while I work to pay those bills. But I always have to say something and that brings out the barrage of irrational blame filled comments about what a bad person I am.
Unfortunately I didn't know that the money had already been promised to him by Bart, which had I known, I might not have bothered to say anything.
But see? I'm a failure. I can't keep my mouth shut.
And I had such high hopes for your new method :(
ReplyDeleteAw there's always tomorrow.... Just because I have one mess up doesn't mean I'm giving up!
ReplyDeleteYou're better at it than me! I would really struggle with your method! But you are rockin it!
ReplyDeleteTomorrow's a new day. And I wouldn't have given my kid the money either.
ReplyDeletei'm no better. I interrogate. Like a defense lawyer. It's bad.
ReplyDeleteFailure is a harsh word. Don't be so hard on yourself, Friend. Besides, a 21 yo who works full time and doesn't have two 5's to put together for a movie---see, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut too!! :-)
ReplyDeleteCan I have a pop?
ReplyDeleteI'm struggling with this concept, too, Claudia. Four of my six are homegrown. But due to bipolar and other issues one of those adult kids can suck the joy right out of life. The problem with his thinking is that if I don't say anything at all, he assumes he has my tacit approval to do whatever.
ReplyDeleteOur solution was a painful one. He had to go. At 20 he graduated from a vocational school, knew everything, and would not live here peacefully. He moved out, went through some major tough stuff, moved back in briefly and finally moved out again. He's struggled, but he's doing so much better.
And I like him tremendously now that he's growing up. Boys take a long time to become men sometimes.
And yes, I've given him (and his adult sisters) some financial help sometimes. But money for a movie? Never. Needs versus wants.
My own personal struggle with control I guess!
Rock on, girl. You gotta do what's right for your family.