Abandonment

There are a lot of good things about adoption work. And there are some not so good things. Just a few. But of them is the ethics that come with changing jobs.

In the world of social work, when a person switches from one agency to another, it is time to move on. Those people are no longer clients, and they were never really supposed to be friends, so they aren't supposed to be in the future. This is all well and good, and I understand why it has to happen, but it really isn't fun... because I have been a part of people's lives -- their very personal lives (because adoption is a very personal thing) -- and then suddenly I'm supposed to be gone.

This particular move from my former job to Bethany has been especially hard for two reasons. One of them I absolutely cannot blog about -- the other is just the new role at Bethany -- being in leadership at the largest adoption agency in the world and carrying their reputation on my back and really not wanting to do anything to damage it.

Bethany is an amazing organization and I am being very careful not to do anything that would reflect poorly on them.

But I can't help but feel as though I have abandoned "my" families and I don't like it. The families that I worked with ocassionally still want my advice and I am not allowed to give it. And kids I place have already been left behind by so many that walking away from them seems even more cruel.

As I have said many times, the reason the system is hard to navigate is that it is full of people -- flawed humans. And we make mistakes. So I feel responsible to attempt to fix all kinds of things that I personally can't fix -- and now I'm not supposed to be involved at all.

Not sure why I am feeling a need to share all this -- other than that maybe you have had a social worker "disappear" from your life and wonder why ... and now maybe you'll understand that it isn't fun for them either.

Or maybe I just want people to know that though they are out of my professional site, that they as people, and the children I have helped them to claim, are never out of my mind or heart completely... no matter how many years it's been.

Learning Lots But Moving Slow

Bart and I had dinner with Tom and Chan last night. Very fun... love you guys!!!

Chan says that she still looks at my blog every day to see if maybe I have posted and I realized that I miss it.... but getting back in the habit has been hard. Kari, my recent BFF (which as you will recall stands for Big Fat Fanny) and former blogger now Facebook queen told me that if my blog isn't something I need for me that I shouldn't feel a need to blog for everyone else. But sometimes I do feel bad for spending seven years with you all and then just dropping it all.

So, how do i summarize almost a month in a few paragraphs? What do I want to share?

We had 11 children here for Easter -- everyone but Jimmy who is in Job Corps in Wisconsin. Everyone managed not to let one person ruin the day though that person tried hard -- they will go unnamed -- to sour our moods. It was awesome to have all 3 grandkids here at the same time for the first time ever. And nice not to have anyone in jail.

My A-Fib is back, which is a hassle, but not nearly as bad as it was when it was combined with low-grade situational depression, which is what I realize was happening last year. i move slow, but mentally I'm fine -- alert and even energetic -- just not physically.

Salinda and Sadie have each purchased a car, making Sadie more independent. She is working nearly full time, still at Target. Salinda is job searching. Tony has a new job at Broadway Pizza, Leon is a PCA... Dom is having the best school year ever and Wilson is pretending to be miserable -- but spends all his free time on the PS3 and seems to be doing well in school. He was asked to be the captain of the wrestling team at his Jr. high next year.

Having Gabby live here is so fun. When I walk in the door everyone else grumbles but Gabby shrieks with joy "Grandma's home! Grandma, you're home, you're home!" and that hug, well, it makes it all worth it some days.

There are all kinds of burdens though -- financial ones because we keep losing subsidies and our older kids still need our financial support, responsibility burdens -- my parents are moving here in a few weeks to go into a retirement center -- emotional ones as I am not sure how many years of absorbing hatred I can handle -- and the physical challenges that make me physically exhausted while trying to do it all.

Still loving Bethany -- God is blessing us there -- still loving our church -- again, God at work -- and still loving our new friends, but missing our old ones.

One of the problems with not blogging every day is that I have way too many thoughts to share to do it all in a monthly update. No promises though. I'm traveling a lot over the next few weeks though so maybe I'll have more time to blog.

I feel really disconnected from the online world, but things are what they are. Maybe I've just finally come that conclusion -- that things are what they are -- that whining about them doesn't change them... who knows, maybe I've hit the acceptance stage of my 16 year grief cycle.

hope all is well with everyone...