The Upward Spiral

For only the second time in about a month I was up for an hour in the middle of the night last night (from 3:15 to 4:20 to be exact) stewing. Rehashing and rehearsing conversations and trying to figure things out. Once again, I found myself in that place where I am desperate to not only control outcomes but also to control people.

And if you’ve heard me speak before you know I almost always end everything — even my stand up — with the revised serenity prayer:

“Lord, Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me.”

So once again, I’m back around to this point of the (hopefully) upward spiral of what we can life. For each of us, whatever our personality, there are things we will wrestle with until we are done with our earthly life. And God, even though we wish He were different, doesn’t take us from point A to point B overnight. In fact, He almost always takes a lifetime to get us to become the people that He wants us to be — and the people we want to be.

So again today I relinquish control. I recognize this point in my circular growth and I thank him for reminding me quicker this time. I need to recognize my progress and not beat myself up…

It’s time to surrender once again.

Yesterday I heard this song listened to it again this morning.

It’s so appropriate!

This is where it begins
This is where all the worry ends
This is where I say I don't need to have control
This is where I admit
I don't know how to handle it
Life in all of this chaos
You're my only hope
And all that I have to offer
Is the white flag of surrender
Take me to the middle of your heart!