What if???

It takes a lot for me to feel maxed out.   I have been through a lot of things in my life and am thus pretty resilient.  But lately, I’m maxed out.

You probably have seen me whining on Facebook about picking up all the household stuff.  Bart always has done the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping.  My role has been taking care of our calendar, our social life, all of the kids schedules and their therapy, IEP, school activities.  I am responsible for all phone calls as Bart hates the phone.   And I work.  A lot.  I love to work.

But now, I am doing all of the things I always do and all of the things he always does and that is a LOT.   In addition, my mom, as you may know, is not doing well.  They are thinking of sending her to the care center, which I know she does not want.   But she may need it and I’m not there in person to navigate the decision.  Because she has been so confused lately, I’m not even sure I can trust what she says to be true — which is awfully weird because she has always been my source of truth since the day I was born.

I also have a few situations with some of my kids that are tenuous.  I won’t go into detail but they involve kids living with birthparents, a son in prison, and citizenship issues for our boys adopted from Guatemala.

I need to do our taxes and have a huge insurance battle to fight in regards to Bart’s foot.

And work is so exciting lately I can’t stay away from it.  So by the end of each day my mind is spinning.

I feel the most maxed out when I start projecting into the future.   When I start thinking, “What if….” my anxiety takes over.

What if my mom needs to move and I can’t leave Bart to help with getting her stuff packed?  What if her last lucid days I’m 1000 miles away?  What if Bart’s foot isn’t fixed and this is our new normal?  What if I can’t figure out the issues of citizenship and my kids can’t have access to the things that are rightfully theirs since their adoption provided guaranteed citizenship?  What if things explode with my kids who are living with birthparents and they want to come back here?   and on and on and on.

Jesus clearly tells us to stop doing the what if.  He says in Matthew 6:34:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

If you’ve been playing the “what if” game, STOP IT.   Take it one day at a time.  God’s got you.  And Jesus specifically told you not to.  

And here is our friend Amy who has been around for decades reminding us to “consider the lillies of the field”