Monday, June 20, 2016
It's Not Yours to Fix
The message they have both recently given me is that it's not my job to fix everything. Ugh.
You see, I am the fixer. My kids expect me to fix things. My employees historically have expected me to fix things. I tackle big problems with gusto and I work hard to figure out what to do and do it to the best of my ability. Motivated by the fact that I really do care a LOT.... I want to dive in and get things done. I want to move beyond the current issue ... and find the next thing that needs fixing.
This morning I obsessed on my way to work about the same things I've been obsessing about for the past couple weeks. I obsessed about all the things that I needed to fix ... AND about the fact that two men that I respect very much are both telling me that everything isn't mine to fix.
So no, I haven't been listening to them. I confess.
But today I realized that it is God who makes all things new ... not Claudia Fletcher. It is HE who works through us to change things, to make things make sense, to change hearts. And my job is simply to sit back, be a "non-anxious presence", and pray.
Not my favorite thing to do, but in the six months I have been in my job it may very well be that I have made things worse in my intense desire to fix them fast. I need to be patient and let God work.... even if His timing is oh so much slower than mine.
So today, after I got to work, I had the privilege of watching a magical day unfold. I sat in front of a full staff -- 12 houseparents -- all eager to do a great job. I got to hug teenagers and kids who were happy to be back from more chaotic settings as they just had their summer home visits. I got to eat lunch in a room full of people .... kids who come from hard places and those who love and care for them... and I was in awe of the progress GOD has made here. I sent them all off to the pool and greeted them as they came back with sun kissed cheeks and big smiles. I heard multiple staff people tell me that it was a great day.
It's a hard lesson to learn, and not one that I'm learning quickly, but God has a way of making all things new. Not always according to how or how fast I think He should, but the best way -- better than anything I can do.
And so tonight I'm going to attempt to let Him tackle the big things. I'm going to once again place everything in God's hands and hopefully leave it there for at least a few days before I grab them back again for a few more sleepless nights. Gotta be honest, God's got a lot of fixing to do in me as well.