Sunday, July 10, 2011

Maybe I Can Only Give them One Gift

LT commented on my post yesterday and I went over to her blog. It's pretty rough, and if foul language offends you you may not want to click over there. However, if foul language offends you you may not want to come to my house either. Some of my kids have some really bad habits and those of you who think you can control it with consequences -- well, let's say if you have success with this then you are my idol.... But wow, I'm off topic already in paragraph one.

When I read blogs like LTs I am so tempted to jump in and attempt to do something, but I don't sense she is asking for that in her blog. I am sure that some of my grown kids have some of the same angst that she does -- they are bitter because we, their adoptive parents, didn't do what they thought we should do. They are angry at our high expectations, or how we dealt with their issues. They are frustrated that we don't understand them, etc. etc. etc.

But it just hit me in reading her blog, and I type this with tears in my eyes, that my kids don't have a whole in their heart because nobody ever wanted them. IN this post, from her own very raw personal experience, she shares about why people don't adopt foster kids. It's powerful.

She says: (and I think it would be OK with her if I shared this, because she and I both want as many foster kids adopted as possible)

Perhaps in some crazy way, i keep continuing the unending quest of figuring out why no-one ever wanted to adopt me. in my mind and my heart, i feel i was never adopted because i was “bad,” “worthless,” “a piece of s***,” “a disgusting stupid slut,” etc…. that is me.

I'm not a perfect parent. Neither is my husband. I make a lot of mistakes. But thinking about my kids with one added layer to their complex set of issues -- the layer of wondering why nobody wanted them -- is something that we did. We wanted them, oh how we wanted them, we searched for them, we filled out tons of paperwork to get them, we waited traveled across the country, and twice to Guatemala to get them.

It's not turning out like we dreamed and we're learning to be OK with that. And when I start to question the Whys of things, I'm going to remember LT.

And if you read her blog and suddenly realize that adopting a kid from foster care is something you need to do -- and you live in MN -- you're in luck. Training to get you started is this Friday and Saturday with yours truly as the trainer.... (just had to stick that in).

Thanks, LT, for commenting on my blog and sharing your story.... it's made all the difference for me today.

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