Enough!

There are times when I want to jump in to the never ending dichotomous Facebook political debates, but I have been holding back.  So even though it sounds like I have had enough of it by the title of this blogpost, I'm heading in a different direction this morning.

By the way, if you have been wondering, I'm still kinda sick, but I get SO bored doing nothing that I had to at least get a few things done even though I'm technically taking the day off work.  We will see how long I last at my desk today.  I feel a nap coming on already and I've only been siting here for ten minutes.

As I read and listened through Exodus, I was impressed by the concept of manna.   It came once a day and it was only enough for one day.  The all powerful God chose to do it that way.  He could have given the people enough for months at a time if he had wanted to.  He could have zapped them with a lifetime supply immediately.  But instead he gave it to them daily... just enough.  I believe that He did this in order to teach them how to have faith.

So whatever it is you need, God will give you enough for today.

He will give you enough strength to do what you need to do today.

He will give you enough patience to endure the challenges you face today.

He will provide for your physical needs for today.

He will give you enough joy to keep you going for the rest of the day.

He will give you enough courage, enough forgiveness for others, enough peace for today.

If you start getting farther away from that and start asking for Him to provide for tomorrow, that may not happen.  

God will give you just enough for today.

So what happened to me?

I was on such a roll... had only missed a couple of days of blogging in the entire month of January....

And then came this weekend.

Saturday was a jam packed day.  I had coffee with a friend in the morning, took Gabby, Wilson and Dominyk bowling at noon, and then came back and Jimmy and I made beans and rice and some of our friends came for dinner.   I was barely at the computer if at all.

Then yesterday we had the whole church thing, went to lunch, came home, had a nap and then and had to finish up a couple cooking projects (Yeah, I've been doing some cooking this month).   I found myself feeling increasingly more crappy by the minute yesterday.  As I was going to bed I was freezing and my head hurt.  I woke up this morning feeling worse than I have in years.   Could NOT get warm no matter what, every part of my body hurt, my head was pounding.   I ended up staying home from work and this is the first time I've been at the computer today.   Which is not at all like me.

I don't think I will be recovered by morning either, so I'm going to take another sick day.   there are so many ways that my body is rebelling against me, but I am not going to whine.

Although my blog used to be about whining for years :-)

Hope everyone else is feeling better than I do....

How do you feel about Email?

Email is like Let’s Make a Deal.  If you aren’t familiar with the show, which those of you under 40 may not be, there was a point in the show where there were three doors.    You could trade what you had for what was behind the door and it could either be an awesome prize worth way more than you had in your hand already, or it could be a stupid, worthless annoying prize that made the audience groan.

So when we think about our email, it is like that.  We don’t  know when we open our email if there will be good news, bad news, lots of work, or something saying we don’t have to do something we were dreading. So if you are a person who has some anxiety issues like I do, then you usually do one of two things:  1)  You are so addicted to your email that you check it every minute or two to make sure there is nothing important there, or 2)  You avoid your email because you are afraid of what might be there and can’t force yourself to check it enough.

So, set aside time out of each day to check email and then don’t have the program on or open for the rest of the day.  Maybe it needs to be three times a day if your job requires a lot of email, but still, if you spent three hours a day on email, you would have 5 more to do your work.  You see, email was never intended to be our whole work…. it was intended to make us work more efficiently.   Your real work is that planning, thinking, dreaming, doing stuff that email has taken us away from.  If you were an adult before email you will remember how different live was… can you imagine how people would laugh if we told them that we spent 7 hours a day opening our mail?  That would have been crazy.  We stacked up the mail on the desk and then grabbed it and opened it all at once and processed it… maybe once or twice a day if there was a lot of email.

I’m trying to turn of my email more often.   Multitasking, even though I feel I excel at it, is not a way to get things done.  The problem is for those of us who are addicted to our email and check it multiple times a day, or have it pop up and go answer it every time it dings that there is a new email, then people are going to be surprised when we don’t respond in an hour or two.  But think about it.   There is this modern contraption called the telephone if they really need to reach you immediately.  We need to train each other to not expect immediate answers by email.  Experts say that 24 hours before answering is a reasonable expectation.

So, my challenge for you on this #FinishWellFriday is to spend less than three hours with your email open today.   See if you can do it.  And see how much you get done.  I bet if you can stick with it you can get your #FinishWelLFriday list done.

I’d love to hear how it goes for you.

(P.S.  As you know if you were a reader 10 years ago, my blog has never been like it is "supposed to be."  Now that nearly every person who is anyone anywhere has a blog that is polished and perfect, it's hard to remember the good old days when blogging was what mine still is.    Whatever I want it to be.  I don't try and think about SEO optimization or my audience and what they want, this is my web journal.  The original purpose of a blog.  A web log.  that's where the word came form.

So if you are a blog reader who is here to hear about my kids and my personal life, or my faith journey, or my work, or for any other reason, you may not always find here what you are looking for.   One of the things that I am studying right now is productivity so I decided I'll share what I'm learning with my staff and with you.  You can always not read it if it doesn't pertain to you.    That's the beauty of it all).

Who Are You Complaining To?

Is it human nature to whine?  I think it probably is.  I try not to be an external whiner, but I internally whine a lot.   It seems nuts to whine when we have so many blessings we can't count them.  I love the hashtag #firstworldproblem because it reminds me that the fact that we need perspective.  If the biggest problem I have today is that left my iPhone charger at the office or that I can't find the remote, or that it takes a whole seven minutes for a lady in a window to give me a hot meal then I really have it good.

The Israelites were whiners.  God rescued them miraculously from Egypt, parted the Red Sea, even, and a little while later this is what they said in Exodus Chapter 16 (quotes from the Message translation)

Why didn’t God let us die in comfort in Egypt where we had lamb stew and all the bread we could eat?   

Moses talked to God on behalf of the people and He came back to tell them,

God has listened to your complaints against him. You haven’t been complaining against us, you know, but against God.” 

If that were true of the Israelites then is that true of us as well?  When we complain to others, does God view that as complaints against Him?

Probably.  

Ouch.

Nuf said.

 

19 Years Ago I Went to my First Wrestling Match

Nineteen years ago, soon after we adopted our first older children, I found myself driving Kyle, then 11 and in 6th grade, to his first wrestling meet.   He is now 30.  I remember more about how many times he wanted to buy snacks than how he wrestled, but it was my introduction to what it meant to be a wrestling mom.   It was a role I would carry for a very long time.

Tonight while Bart and I sat and watched our youngest son, Wilson, who is a Jr. in High school, wrestle, I started thinking back over all those years of sitting on bleachers hour after hour.

In those 19 years, nine of our ten sons have been wrestlers.  There was only one year in all 19 that I can recall that we had nobody wrestling.We have had sons who have wrestled at the lowest weight class (103) and heavy weights. Ricardo, as a 9th grader, received tons of awards that year.   All Conference team, all City team, most pins for the varsity team, most take downs on the varsity team, best record on the varsity team, and selected by his teammates as the teams' Most Valuable Player.

Leon got the coaches award that same year.  You can read about that night here.  It was awesome!

We also had the year when Tony as a 6th grader "should have gone to state" even though he couldn't make it to regionals because of whether so we won't ever really know.    We also had Dominyk's 4th grade year when he quit because "the whole thing was rigged.  I always got fourth."   We have had kids wrestle as pre-schoolers, and we have had them wrestle as seniors.   But next year will be our last.  Until, of course, we start going to watch our grandkids!

Wrestling has taught my boys a lot.   It has taught me the same things that my boys have taught me:  perseverance, how to keep going when you want to give up, when to try hard and when to just work smarter, how to route for the underdog, and how to hang in there when it looks impossible.

Each of my boys made me proud when the wrestled, all of them in unique ways.  So I guess all in all, it's been a great 19 years.

But my butt still hates those bleachers.

What a Difference an Hour Makes

Last Tuesday when  I woke up my friend who lives upstairs in this building sent me this lovely picture of the sunrise that I had missed.  An hour later I walked outside and I took the second picture. The difference was astounding.

That got me to thinking that God, who created the sky -- a purposefully created landscape that changes.  He knows that life changes minute by minute, hour by hour and because He not only knows it, but planned life that way,  I am comforted.

Why is this comforting you may ask?  Because I tend to want good things to stay as they are.  I don't want something to change that takes away something good or beautiful.  And sometimes I want things to change too quickly.   I don't always understand the whys and the rhythms of life's changes.

But when I can see how God's creation is ever changing, all according to His plan, it reminds me that the changes in my life are no surprise to Him, and are often orchestrated by Him.

There's a great deal of comfort in that fact and God has been gracious enough to provide us with this reminder every.  single.  day.

It's Ok to Remind God

God doesn’t forget anything.   And yet throughout the Old Testament we see these heroes of faith reminding God about things.  “Hey, don’t destroy us!  Remember you promised us this and remember you said that?”   “God, didn’t do this?  Didn’t you do that?”  There are countless examples of when God was reminded of His promises by His people.  I think we continue to do this when we sing songs about His faithfulness.   Not because He needs to be reminded, but because we do.

This is one of my favorite songs to sing to remind God that He is always faithful…. or to remind me that He is.

This Post is Not About Donald Trump

I have friends that I love and care about from every end of the political spectrum who I care about.   My relationships with them are more important than trying to explain where I fall in the middle of all this, and so instead, I figured that it had been a long time since I had updated you on all of the kids.

So here we go.  Kyle and his wife, Christy, live in Minnesota and are doing great.  They have survived their year with 3 kids under three (Silas is 3.5 and the twins just turned one).   They are both elementary school teachers.  Kyle is a great dad and an excellent provider for his family.  Christy is a very attentive mom who sends snap chats several times a day that makes it feel like we are closer than 1,000 miles away.  We really miss them.

Rand and Jimmy live together in Golden Valley where they have been in an apartment for over a year.  Rand still works at Holiday and has great contact with some awesome members of his birth family.   He also makes it a point to make sure that my mom has rides to church almost every week and that makes me very grateful.  He is coming to see us in February.

Jimmy is now working towards becoming an assistant manager at Taco Bell.   He is a shift manager now and works a lot of hours -- sometimes as many as 130 in a two week pay period.   He likes to come visit us and will be here for a few days this coming week.

Unfortunately John is in jail in Mankato for probation violations and has court on February 13th.

Salinda and her two kids live with us.  She works at Olive Garden but surely doesn't make as much as she should.   People don't tip well and her hourly wage is $2.27 so you can imagine how well that goes.  She has applied for a better job -- please help us pray that she will get it.

We don't hear from Ricardo very often.  He lives in Mankato in an apartment and manages to take care of himself financially most of the time.

Mercedes is also looking for a job as she finishes her time as a nanny.  If you have any leads for receptionist jobs she is especially interested.  We LOVE her boyfriend Matt... they have been together for over two years and he's AWESOME.

Tony just left for Job Corps on  in Kentucky.  It was a good move for him.  He is studying to be a welder.

Leon is going to college in Mankato.  He is about to celebrate six months of dating an awesome girl that we LOVE!

Dominyk lives with us and works very part time at PHFS (where I work) on the maintenance crew and has just started studying HVAC at the local community college.

And Wilson is a junior in high school about to finish wrestling season.  I think he is 8-3 or 8-2 for the season.  He is very involved in youth group -- just got back from a retreat in fact.   He is now 18 so we officially have no children.

You will notice that one of our sons is missing from this because he prefers to be left out of blogs.  His son lives with his mom and we occasionally see pictures on FB but don't hear from them.

John's son Isaac is 6 and lives with his mom.  She texts us nearly once a week and sends pictures often.  We FaceTime with him once and a while.

My mom continues to be awesome as she approaches 88.  She still pushes her walker around a mile a day and reads about a book a day.  She attends fitness class, the protestant church service at her facility, and lives fairly independently.  Matt and Sadie take her to Walmart about once a month and she stocks up.  She is a devout football fan, following several teams, and is fairly religious about certain television shows like Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, and her new favorite T.D. Jakes.

Bart and I are fine.  My work remains good and very challenging and we love our church!

All of the above is just in case you were wondering...

What are you going to name your stone?

If you have been reading my blog at all this month, you know that Bullet Journaling has taken over my life.  BUT the interesting thing is that I have gotten more done this month so far than any other month I can think of.  I know, it's odd, because you would think that if all of the time I had spent on making pages and thinking about making pages and buying stuff, and tracking everything that I would have no time left for anything else.  Except that when I track stuff, I do stuff.

So I track my blood sugars now and my medication and insulin, and guess what?  The numbers are lower than they have been in years.   I track my steps and I'm walking more than ever.  I'm tracking how much I blog and putting ideas down in advance, and I'm blogging more than I have in five years.   You get the picture.

I'm also tracking my Bible reading, and I'm through Genesis and almost to the end of Exodus.   A couple weeks ago, I blogged about piles of stones.   In the old testament, people would often gather rocks to build a monument.  One of the most famous was called Ebenezer and was built by Samuel.
In every instance several things happened:

1)  God did something awesome.
2)  The person or group of people gathered stones to make a monument.
3)  The person or group of people named that stone in Hebrew.
4)  The Bible translated it for us.

I started picturing my life with piles of rocks everywhere, and then I got this idea.  I would make a bujo page with rocks that I could color in.

So I made this very simple page which you can feel free to download and use, although most people who are have a bullet journal are much more creative and could make their own that would look much better.  If you want a pdf feel free to email me at maeflye at mac dot com.

The way I am using it is to write down the name in Hebrew (well, Hebrew written phonetically in  English (I'm married to a pastor so he can figure that out for me, but I am sure there are ways online to do that.   And then I put what it is translated as, and then in the little rocks the people who were there and what God did.

So, for example, my first one is Quodesh Adamah which means holy ground.   The Hebrew is in one rock, the English translation in another, and then all the people who were there and where we were physically located when it happened.

I have an idea about my next couple but I'm still thinking of their names.   I can think of three significant moments from January already.

Ok, I know this was wordy and I over explained.  But I do that sometimes.

What are the requirements?

When looking for a job for one of my kids, the first place I look on the job posting is the requirements.  If they don't have what is required there is no point in applying.

But what are the requirements for living the Christian life?  There isn't a more direct statement about what God requires than there is in Micah 6:8 (NIV)

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Today is #finishwellFriday in my little world.  I'm trying to make it go viral, but it's not catching on.  Doesn't mean it's not a good idea.  As you know, you take your top three things you have been putting off and put them on a piece of paper, with the one you dread most at the top.  Then you get them done.   Now that I have joined the world of bullet journaling, lists are my life.

So I see Micah 6:8 as a very short list of what we have to do to #finishlifewell.   Act Justly.  Love Mercy.  Walk humbly with your God.

I am tempted to flesh out those three things, but today I'm going to let you do that for yourself.

What would it look like if each Christian in our world were to start every day with those things at the top of our to do list?

Deep Work Wednesday (yes I know it was yesterday)

One of my accomplishments during the weekend snow storm where a whole 5 inches fell and completely disabled the region for 4 days was that I read the book "Deep Work" by Cal Newport.  I won't go through the whole book and summarize it because you can google it and get summaries by people who actually proofread their work, but the gist of it is this:

Our minds have lost the ability to focus and concentrate because we are so busy multitasking and being distracted by social media that we basically are getting nothing done.   In addition, we have become responders and not initiators.  In short, we don't take time to sit down free of distractions and think.  We have to retrain ourselves to think deeply.

This is an actual factual true real story of the past five minutes since I started this blog post.  I think it proves Cal's point.   I started the blog post and then had to google to remember the last name of the author.   I then came back and wrote another sentence and a text popped in from my daughter about her job search.  I answered her text.   There was some music playing in the background that was distracting, so I went in and typed "writing music" into google, which usually brings up several Youtubes with classical background music, but instead it pulled up the trailer to Lala Land, which I had to watch, and now have added to my list of movies I want to see, that I had to pull up and type into.  And then when I realized how many distractions I had had just writing this and how well it proved my point, I had to add this paragraph.  :-)

I think you are getting the picture.  So, I decided to challenge myself and the staff to try this practice on Wednesdays.

This was the challenge:

• Set aside time to think and plan (start with at least 30 minutes)

• Take only paper, pen and reading material (not magazines or fiction) and an idea of what you want to learn, discover, or solve.

• Prepare before you go into the “deep work” zone.   Take what you need with you.  Have a topic.  If you don’t have one, ask someone else.

• The following are not allowed:  Internet access, touching your phone (either cell or regular), any type of technology (you can ask for coverage if you are a designated phone answerer).

So I did it yesterday.  I went to a quiet place (borrowed an office in another building) and left my computer in the car.    I grabbed the folder of the articles that I was planning to read, a highlighter, and my journals.  My goal was one hour.

I got into the building and the office and realized I had grabbed the wrong folder.   I had already set goals of the things I wanted to accomplish, and the articles were one of them, but they weren't with me.   I grabbed the back of a piece of paper, and within 15 minutes had finished everything I had intended to do.   Now that surprised me.   But it also gave me time to think through a couple of things that had been whirling around in my head for the past couple weeks.

By the time 45 minutes had passed, I had run out of stuff to do and stopped.  So my conclusion is this:  even though I didn't head in as well prepared as I should have, I was incredibly productive.   Next week I will have more stuff with me.

I'd love to have you start trying this with us.  You can tag it next week on Facebook with us if you'd like!

How do you greet people?

Are you one of those people who says "Good morning" even if it isn't a good morning?  Or are you a non-morning person who just grunts when you see someone?

I find it interesting that in may of Paul and Peter both, in writing letters, use as their greeting "Grace and Peace to you."

It got me to wondering what life would be like if I started using that greeting and then actually started listening to myself when I said it.   Because if I am giving you the gift of grace and peace it implies that I am willing to participate in that gift.

If I am wishing you grace, it means that I don't get to judge you harshly.  I don't have the privilege of being able to be critical of you or find fault.  I have to "err on the side of grace" as I am sure you have heard me said or read me type multiple times.

And if I am saying that I want you to have peace, I don't get to stir up trouble.  I don't get to participate in arguments or conflicts that have no resolution.  I must do whatever I can, as far as it depends on me, to be a peacemaker.

One more thing:  The greeting in scripture is often followed "through God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" or something similar.  Maybe that was a reminder that the only way that we can truly offer grace and peace to someone is if they flow from God through Christ.

I'm not sure if I am going to start saying "Grace and Peace" to everyone I meet out loud, but I think the world would be a better place if we all at least said it to ourselves as we greeted someone.

So, as you start your Thursday:

Grace and peace to you through our God and Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Where are you in line?

When it comes to a new adventure that requires a lot of faith, where are you in line to get going with that?   If you know me, you probably know that I'm one of those "front of the line" people when it comes to something new and daring.   I like change, I like challenge, I like trusting God for big things. 

I think some of this is beyond our control -- it has to do with our temperament and the personality that God gave us.  I don't think that the people at the front of the line are any more holy than those that wait until they have all the facts they need to jump in ... it is just a difference in how we were wired when God made each of us.

I was listening to the story of the parting of the Red Sea yesterday and it occurred to me that some person had to be the first one to take that first step into the parted sea.   I started picturing in my mind that huge group of Israelites and how by personality they were probably scurrying to find the spot that worked best for them.  Some people towards the back were high green (if you know anything about the Kolbe test).... in other words, they were risk takers who want to jump in to the water and figure out how deep it is once they touch the bottom.   Those people were pushing their way to the front saying, "ooooh, cool.  God is going to do a miracle and I can't wait to be involved in it."

Others, who might have been in the front of the line when the journey started may have been high red  (according to the Kolbe) who wanted were walking backward towards the end of the line because they needed to get a better look at what was happening from a distance and assess their risk.  

Either way, they all made it through.   And when it came time to rejoice, Scripture tells us they all did so, even if it were from a different perspective.  Those at the front of the line were probably rejoicing with a "whew, I really didn't think that through, I'm so glad God is faithful even when I take crazy risks."   The back of the line people were probably saying, “That you God for being faithful.   Even after gathering all my facts, I wasn't sure getting in the water was a good idea."

Regardless of their personality, the result for all of them was two fold.  First, they all rejoiced and sang praise to God.  This is the song they sang from Genesis 15 (the Message):

I’m singing my heart out to God—what a victory!    He pitched horse and rider into the sea.God is my strength, God is my song,    and, yes! God is my salvation.This is the kind of God I have    and I’m telling the world!This is the God of my father—    I’m spreading the news far and wide!

And the second result, as sung in the song above, was that they told everyone that God was faithful.

Whether you are a the kind of person who stands there a long time assessing the water and counting the costs of your decisions, or someone who would have rushed to be the first to put your feet in the water, remember.... when God comes through for you it's time to recognize that, rejoice, and tell the world.

If you were alive and in church in the 70s, you know this song.   It gets a little repetitious, but the footage in the background really brings the whole story to life.

What's it Gonna Take?

There are at least two ways that God tries to get our attention and get us to listen to them.  One is by promising us hope and a future.   Take the Israelites for example in Exodus.

You know the story.   The Egyptians are slaves in Egypt and God has all these really cool promises that he has Moses deliver them.   In Exodus chapter 6, verse 9 in the message it says, "But when Moses delivered this message to the Israelites, they didn't even hear him -- they were that beaten down in spirit...."

Have you ever been so beaten down in Spirit that you can't hear God's message of hope?  I think we've all been there.  We need to remember, however, that God has a purpose and a plan for us -- and that regardless of how downtrodden we are, listening to that is what can give us hope.

A couple chapters later,  God is trying to motivate Pharaoh to let the people go.   He has to use force because Pharaoh is playing hard ball and being super stubborn.  So God has to go to great measures -- He has to send things like gnats and flies and boils and turn the river into blood and all kinds of other stuff and still Pharaoh is stubborn.

I wish I were the kind of person who always pays attention to God when He's going the easy route of promising future and hope.  I wish I weren't stubborn and didn't require figurative flies and gnats to get my attention.

Maybe 2017 can be a year when we all pay attention to the gentle nudging and rely on God's promises of hope regardless of how down trodden we are, so God doesn't have to kick it up a notch.

At least that's my plan.....

Is the Church a Bridge Over Troubled Water?

I do not want to diminish the power of this sermon by saying anything at all.   Efrem Smith was a coworker of mine way back when we were both young... I believe it was in 1995 when we were both 30ish.   When he spoke at Wheaton College last week he knocked it out of the park.

It's short, but if you don't have time for the whole thing, just watch the last minute.  If you are a Christian, it will challenge you and possibly change your life.

Impossible Expectations

Have you ever had a set of impossible expectations placed on you where you knew you just weren't going to be able to meet them?

In Matthew 25 Jesus set some impossible expectations when he completely changed the way that people looked at the law.   He basically said, “you know all these laws that really are impossible to keep?  Well, I”m raising the bar.  In the past you weren’t supposed to kill — now I”m saying don’t even hate anybody.”  Jesus raised the standard.

Yesterday I heard the rest of that story expressed in one sentence:  "When the expectations got higher, the grace went deeper.”   In other words, when Jesus came up with a new way to live for those who would say they followed Him, He knew that they would screw up.  So he made grace more readily available.  

That doesn’t mean, of course, that we should keep on sinning so that we get more grace, but that we acknowledge that when we do screw up, God’s grace is deeper.

What a comforting thought.  God didn't give us his expectations to crush us, but to allow us to experience His grace more fully.    

Finally, the grace we extend to others needs to go deeper as well.  Grace leads to grace.   

Living Purposefully

Today I want to let you in on a little secret.  I have started 2016 with a great deal of intensity... to the point of almost wearing myself out.    But the secret is this:  Even though I am tired, I feel so much better about myself when I am accomplishing much than when I had no idea what to do next and thus did nothing.

As you probably know, last year was a really hard year.   I spent a lot of time staring off into space trying to process the last hard thing that had happened and trying to recover emotionally and mentally from the last blow.   So it is really great to start 2017 with little drama and the chance to live differently.

Having everything written down and tracking everything really helps me.  The bullet journal does that for me -- but it could be anything organizational.  I just have a plan of what I'm going to do to fill my dead time.  This keeps me from sinking into my time killer which is a combination of Candy Crush and Netflix and it can consume so much time.  I'm 53 and time is running out for me to change the world..... Even if I live a really long life, it's already half over.

So I have made lists:

A list of 12 leadership books I want to read.  I have already finished one.

A list of 24 articles/books  I want to read about Trauma Informed Care.  I am halfway through one.

A Bucket List that Bart and I wrote together of fun things that we want to do before the year ends.  We wrote the list in the first week of August and then the first of  September our daughter moved in with her two kids and we started babysitting five nights a week.   We got away from the bucket list.  But we have resurrected it, I put it in Trello, and we have completed two things on it and scheduled two more.

And I have set goals:

To memorize Philippians during 2017;

To read the Bible through in 2017.

To blog every day.

To write another book in 2017.

To get my diabetes numbers down.

I am also thinking about subscribing to a few productivity and leadership podcasts to listen to on the road.

So, when I come to a slump, I have plenty to do.  I can grab one of the books I'm reading, or grab my phone and read through the chapters for the day or listen to a verse over and over.   I can schedule something from my bucket list.   I can read an article, or head to the computer to blog.

It's been really good for the first 14 days.  I like living purposefully.  It is more tiring, but it feels so much better!

Ever do anything stupid?

I am trying to think of which example to use of something stupid that I have done and there are so many to choose from.  There was the time that I was working as a counselor at youth camp and somehow got my underwear stuck in the back of my swimsuit and jumped into the pool.  To my horror and to the amusement of everyone in the pool, my underwear floated up to the top of the water.     In fact a few of my Facebook friends were actually there that day but I sincerely hope that you have forgotten this event.

There are many other options of stories like that and unfortunately my stupidity has been much more serious.  Decisions that were wrong, mistakes I made, and choices that influenced others negatively have sometimes haunted me.

When we look at the life of Joseph in Scripture we often remember him as the guy that God took care of regardless of all the horrible things that happened to him.   But as I was listening to the story again yesterday, I was struck by the fact that Joseph was a special kind of stupid.

Think about it:   He is his dad’s favorite and he knows it.   His brothers resent him.  A lot.  He has dreams about them bowing down to him so what does he do?  He tells his ten older resentful brothers about the dream which he had to of known would have incensed them.

Like a said, a special kind of stupid.

What I love about this though, is that God even used Joseph’s stupidity to save his whole family.   He used his crushing mistake and worked it out for good for Joseph.  I can’t even explain how comforting that is to me.  Even when I don't make the wisest choices, God can take our blunders and turn them into blessings.

So if you have done something stupid lately that still haunts you, remember how God turned Joseph's stupid choice into a miracle and realize that God is way bigger than anything we can do and it is impossible to mess up His plan if we are committed to being followers of Jesus.

Anybody else have a hard 2016?

Genesis is such a great book… so full of stories of people who had to be practice obedience — kicked up a notch.   Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob… I’m excited that I am almost to the story of Joseph because there is no other story in Scripture that better indicates the fact that “all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”

There is one verse in Genesis that has only 12 words and has no explanation.

"But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.”

I’ve been asking myself why there was such a punishment for looking back.  Why did it make God angry enough to turn her into a pillar of salt?

I’m sure that a lot of pastors have preached about this over the centuries, and that if I googled it i could find many sermons that would explain to me what they thought.   I have heard sermons that talk about how she looked back longingly at the sin and depravity she was leaving.  I suppose that is a possibility and would make her worthy of her punishment.  She may have looked back with regret that they had made the choice to follow God and leave.   She may have looked back to see one more time the things that she was going to miss.

Then there are those who might say that the verse is not literal.  It means that he froze her emotionally, or he stopped her in her tracks so that she looked like a pillar of salt for a while, and then went forward.  But since there is no mention of her ever again, I don’t think it was metaphorical.

I know for a fact that God doesn’t turn people into pillars of salt anymore, regardless of the reason that we look back.   But I do believe that there is a lesson for us in this:

When God brings us to a new place, it is not his plan for us to dwell on the past.  He doesn’t want us to wallow in the pain of past hurts nor does he want us to longingly wish for earlier days.   He doesn’t want us to regret obeying Him, that’s for sure.   He doesn’t want us to spend our time worrying, fretting, or focusing on what has happened, but to look towards Him and the future He is calling us to.   

As we enter into 2017 I am determined to stop myself as I look back on last year. That year is over, God has called us to a new place and he is already moving mountains to make miracles happen this year.   So join me in embracing the preferred future that God has called us to and let’s choose not to look back.

Facebook is My Pile of Rocks

In Genesis there are several situations where people go out and get some rocks and put them on top of each other.  They build little monuments — out in the middle of nowhere they pile rocks on top of each other so that they can remember what happened there.  They often named their little piles of stones.

For example, when Jacob and Laban (his wives’ father in law (yes, wives plural, they both had the same dad, he married sisters) made a covenant this happened:

Laban said, "Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.”So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. He said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap.  Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, and Jacob called it Galeed.  Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” That is why it was called Galeed.  It was also called Mizpah,because he said, “May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.   (Genesis 31:44-48)

When Jacob slept on a rock that he used for a pillow, he had a dream with a Stairway to Heaven (no, i’m not sharing channeling Led Zeppelin right now.  When he woke up he built a pillar over that rock and named it Bethel which means house of God or Christian University in Minnesota.  (Just wanted to see if you are paying attention — this is where Bart graduated from seminary and my son Kyle received his degree in education by the way).

There are others but one of my favorites, is when Samuel set up a stone and called it Ebenezer which meant "Thus far the Lord has helped us.”

I was thinking this morning of what our homes, churches and work places would look like if we still practiced this.   There would be piles everywhere.   We would be tripping over piles in our bedrooms where we prayed through with a spouse a difficult situation.  There would be rocks all over our churches where people were changed by God's grace.  At work we would be stumbling over the rocks that were placed there because God helped us to make a decision that furthered His purpose in our work.

Since building literal piles of stone would be a bit clunky looking, not to mention dangerous, we should probably just do so metaphorically or use some other means.  Sometimes I use Facebook and TimeHop to do this for me.   I know, it sounds nuts, but when God does something incredible I put it on Facebook — not because I want a lot of likes or shares, but because every year I want it to pop up on my time hop to remind me that at that moment in time I recognized that “Thus far, the Lord had helped me.”

Find some mental rocks today and look for some places in your heart, in your mind, or if you have a bad memory, online, so that you can celebrate the fact that God is good.

I just might create a bullet journal page for such a thing.  :-)

Have to include this song today.  Can't resist.

Locus of Control and Kids from Hard Places (I know, sounds boring)

Our new congregation has a very fascinating member.   A retired child psychologist, now eighty, Frank always inspires me.  He is still sharp as a tack and has many interesting stories to tell and ideas to share.

Last week we had a choir holiday party and I asked him about his dissertation.   He told us all about it and it was fascinating.   He was studying the difference a life-simulation game (not electronic because it was years ago) made a difference in locus of control among high schoolers.    I can't believe that I had never thought about locus of control as it relates to children from hard places.  Now I'm sure that if I googled it, I would probably find out that others have talked about it for years, but it was a new thought to me.  According to Wikipedia, 

Locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they have control over the outcome of events in their lives, as opposed to external forces beyond their control. Understanding of the concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954. 

It dawned on me that this is one of the issues that is central to many of my children.   Somehow their trauma, whether it was abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure, or attachment issues, resulted in them believing that they have zero control over the outcome of events in their lives.  

I'm sure it doesn't surprise you if you know me well that I have a very strong internal locus of control.  I truly believe that I can do anything that I want to if I try hard enough and have enough time.   Nothing out there is out of my reach.  Now obviously, there are many things that I choose NOT to do because they don't interest me:  Go to med school, run a marathon, learn how to quilt, etc. etc. etc.  But that doesn't mean that I don't firmly believe that if I wanted to do any of those things, I could do it.

I'm sure that at times this strong internal locus of control is annoying to people around me.   I don't have a lot of patience, I probably appear arrogant, and if you have to work with me I may believe that we can do a lot of stuff that everyone doesn't believe is possible.   I'm sure that as a mom, not realizing my kids had this issue for two decades, has been incredibly frustrating for those of my children who do not have the ability to make this switch.

I won't tell you which of my children has been able to learn an internal locus of control, but a few of them had and it has made all of the difference for them.  Once they begin to believe that they can control things in their lives, instead of letting their lives control them, they have made great progress.

I've started to pay attention to the language of some of my kids and to help them understand this concept.  It is interesting now that they are adults, to watch them wrestle with this.  I've also become more compassionate as I have attempted, over the past few days, to feel what they are feeling.

What if I really believed that there was nothing I could do to change the circumstances around me?  What if I felt like I had to continuously respond to what was thrown at me, without the power to change it?

I think it would make me want to do virtually nothing.  

So, what have I missed?   How many thousands of articles are already out there that I haven't seen about locus of control and kids from hard places?  Is this a new idea to you?

My First Bullet Journal (or How I Made Lemonade out of Lemons)

After living in Minnesota for 20 years, I was a not excited about a snow storm over the past few days.  Bart and I had a really fun lunch planned with good friends that we had to cancel and I was crabby about that.  But I told Facebook that I was going to make lemonades out of lemons, so this blog post is to show you how I managed to do that this weekend.

I was appalled and alarmed over Christmas break when I discovered that Bullet Journaling was a thing and I had never heard of it.  I immediately ordered supplies and started to practice what I wanted to have in the journal.  When the stuff finally came on January 4th (It seemed like to took forever) I got right to work.  It didn't take me long to realize a few things:  I can't draw a straight line even with a ruler, my handwriting sucks, and I can't even color inside the lines as well as my six year old granddaughter, much less doodle cute little flowers on the side of pages.  So I headed to my reliable old Photoshop, where I CAN draw straight lines, and started to create some pages.

The first page that I created was a monthly habit tracker.  I am super excited about this concept.  Each month I'm going to track the habits that I want to incorporate into my life by putting a dot in the correct box.   This has already proven to be very motivating for me.   This is a jpeg version, but if you would like a PDF you can feel free to email me.  (Email address at the end of the post).

I then went on to create a two page-spread to track every chapter of the Bible that I read in 2017.  My goal is to complete the whole Bible in that time according to the Bishop's challenge to United Methodists in our annual conference.   I stole most of it and thus infringed several copyrights to create it so I'll avoid prosecution by not publishing that here.

I had been challenged by a coworker to memorize Philippians, so I created this tracker:

I have a bad back, so the idea of walking 500 miles is a big accomplishment.  I really liked how this turned out and basically did it from scratch.   Each toe is two miles.... and when I finish ten I get to color in the foot.  I'm hoping by the end of the year that this whole thing is done.  Here it is after I attempted to color in the lines a few days ago... followed by the printable you can download.

Since those first pages, I have been on a roll.  I have a tracker for all of the professional goals I have this year.  I created a page to track blood sugar and insulin.  I have one for writing goals this coming year, and one for a whole page for a book I'm planning to write this year.   Bart and I are doing an experiment where we don't go out to eat during the whole month of January, so I created a page to track the spending difference between the months.  

I had heard about things like a "Brain Dump" page and wanted a place to save all of my best ideas for the month so I created this page, which will look much better once it is colored.  

Finally, and this is my favorite, I decided to do a page for #finishwellFriday.  This is something I've been trying to get to go viral but it hasn't been adapted by more than a few people.  The idea is that you have a list of things that you are really dreading -- starting with no more than 3 -- and do them first thing Friday morning.  If they get done, you can do three more.  Then you post your results on Facebook and hashtag it #finishwellFriday.

I really like how this turned out and hope that others will try it.

I know I'm not like most people, but this has been incredibly motivating for me.  I'm excited about the ways that in just one week it has moved me forward to live more intentionally!

My email is maeflye at mac dot com.  Am happy to share this stuff with you!

Two Keys to Great Things: Keep Doing What You're Doing and Be Willing

There is no church today because of weather, and so I started my day by reading the chapters for today as I read the Bible through in a year.   Today's reading was the story about how Abraham's servant found a wife for his son,  Isaac.

I have read this story many, many times, but today it struck me differently.   The story goes like this:  Abraham sends his servant back to the old country to find a wife for his son, Isaac.  The servant does NOT want to screw up so He works out a plan with God. He says, "I'm going to go to the well and ask the girls for a drink.  The first one that says "sure, I'll give you a drink and let me get some water for your camel's first" will be the one.   Rebekah does exactly that, so the servant negotiates with her father, who is reluctant to send her.  He finally says, "OK, ask her.  If she's willing to go that far away to be with a man she has never met just because you say that it is God's plan, then she can go."  Rebekah is all for it and because of that choice, she was able to be a key figure in history.  She got to be in a very important line of people who populated the earth to fulfill the promise that her father-in-law had received directly from God.

What caught my attention this morning is that Rebekah had no idea what was happening.  Nobody gave her a heads up.   She was just that kind of a a girl.    She was the kind of person who would give a stranger a drink and then offer to water their camels too.   She didn't get up that morning thinking, "I'm going to be chosen to do something great so I better be on my best behavior!"  She just did what she always did.

Then, several hours later she was given an opportunity to completely change her life overnight.  She was invited to take off with a stranger to meet and marry a stranger in a land far away from home.  And she said YES!  She had more faith than her father did, apparently, because he was reluctant.  But she believed it was God's plan, and once that was settled she was ready to go.

Many of us spend our lives thinking that we aren't good enough to do something big for God.  Or maybe we think that we have to be in a special place doing something special, in order for Him to choose us.  But that isn't the secret.  The secret is to keep faithfully doing what we are called to do and then to be willing to say yes when the opportunities come.

I have no idea what God's next big thing is for you, but I do know that if you are doing what He called you to now, and you're willing to take the next step, that you might just find yourself smack dab in the middle of a miracle!

Resiliency

Bart and I have chosen a path that requires a great deal of resiliency.  We of course, didn't realize this back when we started this journey.  We had no idea how deep into ourselves we were going go have to reach to find the strength we would need.  Back then we had no idea what attachment disorder was, or FASD, or ODD.   We may have known the letters or heard the concepts, but we certainly didn't know what it felt like to parent a child with those issues.   We didn't know anything about the juvenile justice system, or residential treatment, or teenage pregnancy, or homelessness.  We thought we did, but we were clueless.

The foster and adoptive parents that I know are ones who have learned to be resilient.   The word has a very simple definition:

the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.  

One of the most powerful moments I have occurred a couple years ago.  There was a new treatment foster care agency that was presenting at a meeting I attended.  They were having great success in transitioning the most difficult teenagers from residential treatment into private homes.  Everyone at the presentation was dying to ask the question, so at the end someone said, "What did you do to get the kids to change enough to be in that setting."

The answer was astounding.  They said, "We do absolutely nothing to help the children.  We teach the foster parents resiliency."

So I thought today, since it is snowing and I can't do the fun stuff I had planned for today, that I would come up with five things that have helped us be more resilient and tell you about them.

1)  Remember that this is a season.   "And it came to pass" are some of the most encouraging words in the whole Bible because they remind us that whatever we are going through, or feeling, or experiencing, isn't going to last forever.   There will be brighter days.

2)  Remember the times in the past that have been difficult and the fact that you made it through them.  People are surprised at my lack of anxiety about the bad things that could possibly happen to our children and say they wished they could be that calm.  I literally laugh out loud at them and tell them that the only way to get to this point is to have already survived almost every bad thing that could possibly happen.  With very few exceptions, we have survived nearly everything that parents could confront and we are still standing.

3)  Look for one moment of joy each day.  This is one of my survival tips in my book "Okay, which one of you took my sanity" but it really works.  I look for something good that has happened each day and almost every day I can find one.  And then I tell myself that I definitely want to get up in the morning and find out what tomorrow's moment of joy will be.   One of my big moments of joy today is that my twin granddaughters turned one yesterday and I am looking forward to seeing lots of cute pictures of them with their big brother!

4)  Count the days, or the hours, or the minutes.   I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes I just have to count the time until something is over.    I remember times when almost all our kids were teenagers  at the same time (I know, not good planning) when I would literally count the minutes until it was time to leave for school in the morning.

5).  Spend time with and hang out with resilient people.  Find people in your life who know how to get through tough times and then hang on tight to their hope when you have none.  Email them, call them, FaceTime them, SnapChat them, FB message them.... however you can be around them, be around them.

6).  I know I said five, but this one is too good not to include.   Read positive stuff.   Scripture works. So do novels that have feel good endings and self-help books.  Anything that makes you feel better when you put it down, put that in your brain.  It can distract and sustain you.

So now I am going to have to write this again and take out my complete rant about Tony, and then I can post it places, but for those of you who have been my blog readers forever, I thought you would want the kind of blogging I used to do back in the day  :-)

Resiliency (the unedited version)

Bart and I have chosen a path that requires a great deal of resiliency.  We of course, didn't realize this back when we started this journey.  We had no idea how deep into ourselves we were going go have to reach to find the strength we would need.  Back then we had no idea what attachment disorder was, or FASD, or ODD.   We may have known the letters or heard the concepts, but we certainly didn't know what it felt like to parent a child with those issues.   We didn't know anything about the juvenile justice system, or residential treatment, or teenage pregnancy, or homelessness.  We thought we did, but we were clueless.

The foster and adoptive parents that I know are ones who have learned to be resilient.   The word has a very simple definition:

the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.  

One of the most powerful moments I have occurred a couple years ago.  There was a new treatment foster care agency that was presenting at a meeting I attended.  They were having great success in transitioning the most difficult teenagers from residential treatment into private homes.  Everyone at the presentation was dying to ask the question, so at the end someone said, "What did you do to get the kids to change enough to be in that setting."

The answer was astounding.  They said, "We do absolutely nothing to help the children.  We teach the foster parents resiliency."

So I thought today, since it is snowing and I can't do the fun stuff I had planned for today, that I would come up with five things that have helped us be more resilient and tell you about them.

1)  Remember that this is a season.   "And it came to pass" are some of the most encouraging words in the whole Bible because they remind us that whatever we are going through, or feeling, or experiencing, isn't going to last forever.   There will be brighter days.

2)  Remember the times in the past that have been difficult and the fact that you made it through them.  People are surprised at my lack of anxiety about the bad things that could possibly happen to our children and say they wished they could be that calm.  I literally laugh out loud at them and tell them that the only way to get to this point is to have already survived almost every bad thing that could possibly happen.  With very few exceptions, we have survived nearly everything that parents could confront and we are still standing.

3)  Look for one moment of joy each day.  This is one of my survival tips in my book "Okay, which one of you took my sanity" but it really works.  I look for something good that has happened each day and almost every day I can find one.  And then I tell myself that I definitely want to get up in the morning and find out what tomorrow's moment of joy will be.   One of my big moments of joy today is that my twin granddaughters turned one yesterday and I am looking forward to seeing lots of cute pictures of them with their big brother!

4)  Count the days, or the hours, or the minutes.   I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes I just have to count the time until something is over.    I remember times when almost all our kids were teenagers  at the same time (I know, not good planning) when I would literally count the minutes until it was time to leave for school in the morning.

Right now I am counting the hours until one of our sons moves out of our home and heads to job corps.   He is almost 22 and has been living here since July.   He doesn't wash his clothes often enough, eats constantly, is incredibly disrespectful, and does not clean up after himself.  In November, he had already lost two jobs and was told he could get into Job Corps and to be ready to go any time.   Since then he has done nothing.  He has not worked.  He has made it to church most Sundays with great effort on the part of his siblings to get him up (and with the reward of dinner out if you come to church).

You think I'm exaggerating, but he has not done anything   He has stolen our credit card multiple times, chewed tobacco and left spit everywhere, and has done nothing to even try and help out.  We have tried to get him psychiatric help, but it's hard to come by here and he is less than cooperative.   

He sits at the computer that I moved from the office to our second kitchen and is there 10-12 hours a day.  I realize that this is probably going to not make Bart happy that some of our parishioners might be seeing this, but it proves a great point about resiliency because I have put up with this.  This is a picture of what it looked like after he cleaned it.  We have had multiple battles over the past two months about this spot. 

There are probably some folks out there who are thinking that I shouldn't shame him this way, but he has had more than enough opportunities to redeem himself.

Anyway, I digress.  This part of the post is going to mean that I don't put a link on Facebook for this, but let me tell you:  Counting the days and then the hours until he leaves have gotten me to this point where he is still here and not homeless and I am not in jail.

5).  Spend time with and hang out with resilient people.  Find people in your life who know how to get through tough times and then hang on tight to their hope when you have none.  Email them, call them, FaceTime them, SnapChat them, FB message them.... however you can be around them, be around them.

6).  I know I said five, but this one is too good not to include.   Read positive stuff.   Scripture works. So do novels that have feel good endings and self-help books.  Anything that makes you feel better when you put it down, put that in your brain.  It can distract and sustain you.

So now I am going to have to write this again and take out my complete rant about Tony, and then I can post it places, but for those of you who have been my blog readers forever, I thought you would want the kind of blogging I used to do back in the day  :-)