Being out of it for months was, in some ways, almost comforting. I didn't have energy to think, and thus I just existed, making it from one day to the next. And maybe with a complicated life like mine, thinking isn't always in anyone's best interest.
I also can't fall asleep to stop my thoughts any more. When I was able to sleep 10 hours a night and a couple more in the afternoon, I could ignore most of what was happening in my life. All of the situations that are complicated were pushed out of my head because I had no energy to deal with them and now they area all creeping back in.
OK, I just lied. They aren't creeping back in they are rushing back in like hundreds of wild horses trampling through my brain.
So what am I to do? Well, I think it is time for me to go back to the basics and remember to control the things that I can control, because I certainly cannot control my thoughts....
Thus my focus needs to be on controlling:
1) What I put into my mouth. I have learned that what I eat affects me a lot and so controlling what I put into my mouth will improve how I feel.
2) What comes out of my mouth. If I can focus on saying things that are positive and encouraging that will take so much energy out of my I won't have time to think ;-)
3) How much exercise I get.... I know when I exercise I have more control over my thought life -- when I feel better, I can manage my emotions and my thoughts much easier.
I lost most of this blog post somehow and am rewriting it which is annoying, and the second version is much briefer.... but...
I'm heading out shopping with my girls. Salinda is here alone (Gabby is with her other grandma, with Salinda's permission, in Texas for a few days). So Salinda, Sadie and I are going shopping, something they love, and something that I tolerate because I love them.
I'm also going to buy some stuff for my YMCA experience that will begin again on Monday. A new bag, a new water bottle, some new shower stuff (shampoo, soap, etc) ... and I'm also buying some new socks. I'm so tired of socks that have been ruined by my sons who won't stop wearing them.
So, right now I am not healthy enough physically to do as good of a job at managing my thoughts and emotions as I need to be.. but I need to focus on getting there.
That's the plan...... :-)
(By the way, diets start on Monday... they really can't start on any other day).