Kari and I are sitting in the clubhouse bar. Our husbands aren't with us. Our kids are in the pool and playing sand volleyball. Even MIke is out there with the kids.
Bart made everyone some breakfast and now he is resting. Mike is watching the kids in the pool. Kari and I each have a laptop and we are blogging as I finish up the slideshow that is being shown at the dinner after the wedding tonight.
I am surprisingly calm. Last night went without a hitch. All of the kids were appropriate. We had some good family time. The food was delicious and it all went very well.
Today I have to finish the slideshow and set it up, be in pictures, and light the candle! Ugh. Watch me fall and it will be the main memory for years to come -- Remember when Kyle's Mom fell on her fat butt at the wedding (gales of laughter). And then it would take the whole wedding party to get me back up.
This morning Bart got up early and sat on the deck of our beach villa that we are renting and journaled. That inspired me to actually write a few paragraphs myself. This is an excerpt:
I sit here on the deck, the refreshing wind blowing over me, still in my pajamas, looking out at the gentle waves of this large lake. I can see the birds, smell the water, and watch the leaves in the tress as they sway with the light wind. I am allowing myself to feel the emotions that later I will at least try not to dump all over the world – I know I”ll cry at the wedding, I just hope it won’t be embarrassing!
Emotions of pride, emotions of the memories of so much frustration in parenting Kyle, of how he wished he could get us divorced so he could have Bart to himself, of the years that were so hard trying to raise him. And then the joy of knowing that God has brought him here, using us to do so. The card he gave us last night said, “I know I wouldn’t have turned out as good as I did if it weren’t for you. I know I don’t show emotion very well, but Christy and I both love you very much.”
For me, that is enough.
We may not have the "perfect relationship" now, but we have given him the wings he needed to fly. And today we will watch him take one more step.
And so today as I sit, front and center, and choke back my tears, I am full of gratitude for so many things:
1) For my most amazing husband, who is above and beyond what most people would ever be able to imagine. His kindness, compassion and the way that he treats people, along with his wit, intelligence and ability to communicate with me as well as the rest of the world, are equal to none.
2) For my children who have come from so many different places and all have arrived to where we are today. All able to hold it together long enough to honor their oldest brother and connecting with each other and us this weekend.
3) For the next generation. For Gabby here now and Isaac who will be here in October, for all of the grandchildren who will most likely flow into our lives over the next 20 years or so....
4) For Bart's family who will be joining us to day and the way that they have supported us.
5) For my parents, who wish so much to be here today, but can't. Everything that I have become goes back to the way that they connected their love for me and my own worth with God's love for me and His acceptance of me.
6) For Christy and her family and the joy that Christy will bring to our lives in the future.
6) For our friends, Kari and Mike, who have been like family to us since we moved to Mankato. For other friends, some who will be here soon, and some who won't be able to able it. And for YOU, online friends, who have supported us through this journey.
Life's really good right now. I am at peace and happy. Eleven of my twelve children, my grandchild, my husband, my inlaws and some of my best friends I've ever had are going to sit with me as I sit front and center and watch my son make a very good choice.
It just doesn't get much better than this.