Having to blog from my phone this morning. It's 5:50 and in moments I'm boarding my flight.
Just wanted to report that Refresh was beyond awesome and I'll be telling you more later ....
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Refresh: WOW
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Hope Does Not Disappoint Us
About 10 hours and I couldn't sleep any more! I was awake by 4:30 this time, which is 6:30 MN time and laid in bed another hour to think, which isn't always a good idea.
Mercedes is about to push me over the edge. I rarely ground anyone, but I decided it was necessary and she is refusing to be grounded. So I have got to figure out the next step. That got me going around and around the track in my head this morning.
I'm trying to switch gears now to decide exactly what I want to say in my keynote this afternoon. The conference is going to be made up primarily of Christians who have adopted over the past several years as part of the adoption and orphan care initiatives that many churches have started over the past ten years. I believe that they, like all of us, were fairly naive as to the kinds of behaviors and challenges that the kids would face and now, 4, 6, 8 years later life is HARD. This conference is to realign their thinking and to help them realize that they CAN do it. My keynote is called, "Hope, Humor and Healing: The Journey to a New Tomorrow" and I am feeling a lot of responsibility to do it well.
My dear friend Kari texted last night to let me know that she saw that Mike is back in jail (because she's like that -- creeping on the jail roster website). I had just told people last night that I was proud he hadn't been in since August. Maybe I jinxed it. I'm really hoping it is for a probation violation so it's only for the weekend and he can still hang in there and stay in school. But as he has said, how can he be expected to have a job, go to school, and follow probation without a place to live. And I know he expects us to provide that for him, but that's a line I won't cross. Financially we can't afford to get him a place and he can't live at our house. You who have followed my blog know that.
I don't blame him for being angry with me. But I'm not going to be angry with him. He didn't make the choices that were made for him before birth about how his brain would be developed. He didn't choose to be unattached to caregivers. It is now his lot to navigate that combination and our lot to do what we can without putting others in danger -- whether it is physical, financial, or emotional. But I'm grieving again this morning.
Isn't it interesting how grieving in adoption really doesn't stop? There is grieving when a child comes already walking and we know we've missed seeing those first steps. There is grieving when a 6 year old can't make friends in 1st grade. There's grieving when a 10 year old can't stay on a little league team. There's grief when middle schoolers are being typically torturous and won't stop bullying. There is grief when everyone else goes to dances, when their classmates graduate and they don't, when they are arrested, have children they can't take care of, and on and on and on.
But today my keynote is going to talk about the hope cycle that I have mentioned many times on my blog that comes from Romans Chapter five. I'm quoting from memory (yeah, too lazy to even google it), but says, "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. But not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings. For we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us. For God has poured out His love in our hearts through the Holy Spirit He has given us."
That's what we have to hold on to. It's carried Bart and I so far... and it will carry us through.
So today, even though health-wise I am finally having to conclude that I am compromised, I am hoping and praying that today that message of hope -- not in me, or anything I have to say -- but in God -- will permeate each person there and send them home with the knowledge that they CAN and WILL survive.
Mercedes is about to push me over the edge. I rarely ground anyone, but I decided it was necessary and she is refusing to be grounded. So I have got to figure out the next step. That got me going around and around the track in my head this morning.
I'm trying to switch gears now to decide exactly what I want to say in my keynote this afternoon. The conference is going to be made up primarily of Christians who have adopted over the past several years as part of the adoption and orphan care initiatives that many churches have started over the past ten years. I believe that they, like all of us, were fairly naive as to the kinds of behaviors and challenges that the kids would face and now, 4, 6, 8 years later life is HARD. This conference is to realign their thinking and to help them realize that they CAN do it. My keynote is called, "Hope, Humor and Healing: The Journey to a New Tomorrow" and I am feeling a lot of responsibility to do it well.
My dear friend Kari texted last night to let me know that she saw that Mike is back in jail (because she's like that -- creeping on the jail roster website). I had just told people last night that I was proud he hadn't been in since August. Maybe I jinxed it. I'm really hoping it is for a probation violation so it's only for the weekend and he can still hang in there and stay in school. But as he has said, how can he be expected to have a job, go to school, and follow probation without a place to live. And I know he expects us to provide that for him, but that's a line I won't cross. Financially we can't afford to get him a place and he can't live at our house. You who have followed my blog know that.
I don't blame him for being angry with me. But I'm not going to be angry with him. He didn't make the choices that were made for him before birth about how his brain would be developed. He didn't choose to be unattached to caregivers. It is now his lot to navigate that combination and our lot to do what we can without putting others in danger -- whether it is physical, financial, or emotional. But I'm grieving again this morning.
Isn't it interesting how grieving in adoption really doesn't stop? There is grieving when a child comes already walking and we know we've missed seeing those first steps. There is grieving when a 6 year old can't make friends in 1st grade. There's grieving when a 10 year old can't stay on a little league team. There's grief when middle schoolers are being typically torturous and won't stop bullying. There is grief when everyone else goes to dances, when their classmates graduate and they don't, when they are arrested, have children they can't take care of, and on and on and on.
But today my keynote is going to talk about the hope cycle that I have mentioned many times on my blog that comes from Romans Chapter five. I'm quoting from memory (yeah, too lazy to even google it), but says, "We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. But not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings. For we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us. For God has poured out His love in our hearts through the Holy Spirit He has given us."
That's what we have to hold on to. It's carried Bart and I so far... and it will carry us through.
So today, even though health-wise I am finally having to conclude that I am compromised, I am hoping and praying that today that message of hope -- not in me, or anything I have to say -- but in God -- will permeate each person there and send them home with the knowledge that they CAN and WILL survive.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Almost 6:30 -- time for bed!
Today has been a LONG day.... Was up at 5:30 on the Shuttle by 6:20, at MSP by 8:15, on the plane by 10:30 ... very quick -- like five minute quick -- layover in Denver, and arrived about 2:45 Seattle time, which is 4:45 Minnesota time.
Had dinner with some amazing women who are doing an excellent job of raising tough kids. One is the author of this incredible blog.. Good stuff in there.
The second is the wife of Pastor Dan on this church staff and the other lives in Denver but knows one of my friends!
So we had a nice time together.... I'm way too tired to attend the conference tonight -- I'm learning to define a new normal for myself based on health issues -- so I'm going to be going to bed fairly soon. It's 8:30 at home, so I think I'll be in bed by 7 here. Typical of my trips to Seattle.
Hope that things are going well for all of you.... have had some insights but will wait until morning before I blog them.
Had dinner with some amazing women who are doing an excellent job of raising tough kids. One is the author of this incredible blog.. Good stuff in there.
The second is the wife of Pastor Dan on this church staff and the other lives in Denver but knows one of my friends!
So we had a nice time together.... I'm way too tired to attend the conference tonight -- I'm learning to define a new normal for myself based on health issues -- so I'm going to be going to bed fairly soon. It's 8:30 at home, so I think I'll be in bed by 7 here. Typical of my trips to Seattle.
Hope that things are going well for all of you.... have had some insights but will wait until morning before I blog them.
Blame boingo
At the airport waiting to fly to Seattle. Was going to write a long entry but boingo won't work so I don't have Internet and am thumb typing this into my iPhone.
Yesterday was a long day but I got done what I needed to and actually had some energy!
Anybody going to be at the conference in Redmond this weekend?
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
If Anyone in Minnesota is thinking of starting the adoption process...
I have just scheduled another adoption training for Downey Side on March 2nd and 3rd. It transfers to any PPAI agency in the state so even people from other areas could come down to Owatonna and participate in the training. We usually have great conversations, learn lots, and have a good time.
So if you or anyone you know are thinking about starting the process to adopt a waiting child, have them call me!
So if you or anyone you know are thinking about starting the process to adopt a waiting child, have them call me!
Miss Me?
Yesterday was nuts. I left at 6:45.. I drove to the Cities. I had meetings until 12:30. I drove to my office, having an important conversation on the way. I worked hard there for the full time I was there to finish a project that had to be put in the mail. I went to the post office and mailed it. I drove straight to the wrestling match here in our home town and spent exactly 3 hours and 4 minutes on bleachers so that I could see Ricardo and Leon wrestle for a total, between them, of 2 minutes and 35 seconds. They each won one by forfeit and then Ricardo pinned his guy in about a minute and a half and Leon was really going to beat his guy -- until he got disqualified because the other guy was injured in what apparently was an illegal move -- although Leon wasn't trying to do it. So I wasn't home all day.
After I got home Sadie apologized, taking us to the top of the teen attachment cycle ready for another round. (if you have teens that's a link to a pretty decent post I wrote. In fact, even if you don't have teens it's still a decent post.
Today I have a pretty full day as well to include a perm which I really need before I go to Seattle this weekend. By the way, Karen and Karen, you know who you are. You guys are NUTS for going all the way from Missouri to Seattle for that conference! But I hope it is really really good and you think it was worth the trip.
I need to go drive everyone this morning -- our neighbor, who usually takes some of the kids, is taking a vacation day.
Oh, and Salinda put Henry's car in the ditch on her way to class yesterday... that's newsworthy I guess -- but she was the only one in the vehicle and she is OK.
Oh, and I might be getting my hours cut in another job. Seems like Bart and I receive bad financial news almost daily lately. Good thing I'm one of those followers of the guy who "owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine, the rivers, and the rocks and rills, the sun and stars that shine" -- anyone know that song?
Have a great day y'all.
After I got home Sadie apologized, taking us to the top of the teen attachment cycle ready for another round. (if you have teens that's a link to a pretty decent post I wrote. In fact, even if you don't have teens it's still a decent post.
Today I have a pretty full day as well to include a perm which I really need before I go to Seattle this weekend. By the way, Karen and Karen, you know who you are. You guys are NUTS for going all the way from Missouri to Seattle for that conference! But I hope it is really really good and you think it was worth the trip.
I need to go drive everyone this morning -- our neighbor, who usually takes some of the kids, is taking a vacation day.
Oh, and Salinda put Henry's car in the ditch on her way to class yesterday... that's newsworthy I guess -- but she was the only one in the vehicle and she is OK.
Oh, and I might be getting my hours cut in another job. Seems like Bart and I receive bad financial news almost daily lately. Good thing I'm one of those followers of the guy who "owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the wealth in every mine, the rivers, and the rocks and rills, the sun and stars that shine" -- anyone know that song?
Have a great day y'all.
Monday, January 23, 2012
in a Super Big Hurry....
But this is where I'm going tomorrow. I'm sure there is still room for latecomers!
One step forward 5 steps back..
If things start looking up, you may want to remember that they may not stay that way.
I have noticed that for my kids there seems to be a rule that if they make one step forward they will take three... four... five steps back. So if they are headed in the right direction then something will happen.
I spent part of my morning making a lot of headway into financial aid issues for one of my kids only to find out they skipped class this morning. And now I'm getting text messages about what a bad and unhelpful parent I am. Sigh.
I'm willing to do what I can to help my kids. But I have had to put boundaries as to what I can't do. It's sad that the only things that count seem to be the things we can't do.... they don't see the value in anything else.
Tough stuff. but we seem to keep going, one day at a time. And I refuse to allow myself to get bitter... I'm going to keep loving them, seeing the good I can in them, and moving forward if at all possible. So many parents get stuck in negativity.... i just can't let that happen.
I have noticed that for my kids there seems to be a rule that if they make one step forward they will take three... four... five steps back. So if they are headed in the right direction then something will happen.
I spent part of my morning making a lot of headway into financial aid issues for one of my kids only to find out they skipped class this morning. And now I'm getting text messages about what a bad and unhelpful parent I am. Sigh.
I'm willing to do what I can to help my kids. But I have had to put boundaries as to what I can't do. It's sad that the only things that count seem to be the things we can't do.... they don't see the value in anything else.
Tough stuff. but we seem to keep going, one day at a time. And I refuse to allow myself to get bitter... I'm going to keep loving them, seeing the good I can in them, and moving forward if at all possible. So many parents get stuck in negativity.... i just can't let that happen.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
This Little Piggy...
Yesterday afternoon Gabby, Salinda, and her boyfriend's sister made the trip down to help Sadie and her friends with their hair and makeup. While we were waiting for finishing touches before pictures, Gabby wanted me to see that she had her toenails painted. Salinda then began to do the "this little piggy" rhyme with her toes.
Gabby then insisted on taking Salinda's socks off so she could return the favor. She could say piggy... and Weee Weee Weee. One of those precious moments.......
As Promised...
To show off my beautiful daughter....
and my photoshopping abilities. ;-)
Jobs is a Sadie Hawkins kind of dance that we have here in our town... it was last night. Her date is a great kid -- very nice family. It appears they had fun!
37
Over the last 3 days I have prepared 37 emails that I have sent out to a long list of families who are wanting to adopt.
It just so happens that these 37 emails are all boys. In fact, they are all boys ages 12-17.
I will be surprised if I get one response because that isn't who everyone wants to adopt.
Whenever I do this it makes me sad. So many of these guys won't find a home and will age out.
But I'm running out of ideas on how to convince people that they should do this.... even though I still think they should...
It just so happens that these 37 emails are all boys. In fact, they are all boys ages 12-17.
I will be surprised if I get one response because that isn't who everyone wants to adopt.
Whenever I do this it makes me sad. So many of these guys won't find a home and will age out.
But I'm running out of ideas on how to convince people that they should do this.... even though I still think they should...
It Could Be Worse
I find myself complaining a lot lately, and I'm not sure why exactly. My life seems a bit more difficult to navigage when I'm not feeling physically up to par, but I have to remind myself that things could be so much worse -- and they have been. I think maybe when they were REALLY bad I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't process them. And now they just slowly creep up one at a time, not in an overwhelming group... so I have time to dwell on them.
I was going to add some pictures here hoping they would make me feel better about my daughter who didn't even let us know she was home last night and refused to get up for church this morning, but someone seems to have stolen my digital card reader-- I htink this is the 5th one I've owned, so I can't even do that right now.
Hopefully I'll find it because she really is gorgeous and you'll like the pictures... maybe when she wakes up (It's 1:30 p.m. so possibly soon) she'll know where it is.
SIgh.
I was going to add some pictures here hoping they would make me feel better about my daughter who didn't even let us know she was home last night and refused to get up for church this morning, but someone seems to have stolen my digital card reader-- I htink this is the 5th one I've owned, so I can't even do that right now.
Hopefully I'll find it because she really is gorgeous and you'll like the pictures... maybe when she wakes up (It's 1:30 p.m. so possibly soon) she'll know where it is.
SIgh.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Beginning to My Day
If you've ever read the book about Alexander you'll know that happened to him in the book was that horrible, just a bunch of little things.
So... here are my little things.
I woke up a bit later than typical because I was going to go to the Y later, but that made things a bit off for everyone. Wilson decided to ask for a ride to school for the first time this year, but waiting until later to tell me and so i had to quickly budget in that time for the morning. Tony argued about shower times incessantly, including many bad words hurled in my direction. Dominyk was threatening not to go to school. My earbuds and my water bottle, necessities for the Y were locked in my office but the keys were already out warming up the van. Sadie returned my space heater, not to where she borrowed it from, but to my room, so my office is freezing.
On the way to school I slid down a hill, ran over a curb, and almost hit a brick wall. Kari texted me saying she wasn't going to go to the Y even though I had my bag packed and ready (minus water bottle and earbuds. Roads were horrible so I decided just to come back home.
It's still snowing, I'm not showered, my office is a disaster, I don't feel well, and the yummy yogurt that I thought I was eating for 14 carbs did that thing where they said that the container had two servings in it so I spent 28 carbs before I knew it.
I am not feeling very motivated nor very inspired.
Yesterday was a bit better day I guess. Had lunch with one of our children who doesn't live at home who tried his best to push my buttons, but I found that if I ignored his attempts to make me feel bad and just moved on, he would keep going and find something new to say. I was emotionally exhuasted and had several craters in my tongue by the time it was over, but I succeeded in surviving a meal with him without making him angry.
Last night we went to see Joyful Noise and enjoyed it despite it's bad reviews. The music is awesome.
Hopefully I will be able to overcome the lousy beginning of my day today and make some progress.....
So... here are my little things.
I woke up a bit later than typical because I was going to go to the Y later, but that made things a bit off for everyone. Wilson decided to ask for a ride to school for the first time this year, but waiting until later to tell me and so i had to quickly budget in that time for the morning. Tony argued about shower times incessantly, including many bad words hurled in my direction. Dominyk was threatening not to go to school. My earbuds and my water bottle, necessities for the Y were locked in my office but the keys were already out warming up the van. Sadie returned my space heater, not to where she borrowed it from, but to my room, so my office is freezing.
On the way to school I slid down a hill, ran over a curb, and almost hit a brick wall. Kari texted me saying she wasn't going to go to the Y even though I had my bag packed and ready (minus water bottle and earbuds. Roads were horrible so I decided just to come back home.
It's still snowing, I'm not showered, my office is a disaster, I don't feel well, and the yummy yogurt that I thought I was eating for 14 carbs did that thing where they said that the container had two servings in it so I spent 28 carbs before I knew it.
I am not feeling very motivated nor very inspired.
Yesterday was a bit better day I guess. Had lunch with one of our children who doesn't live at home who tried his best to push my buttons, but I found that if I ignored his attempts to make me feel bad and just moved on, he would keep going and find something new to say. I was emotionally exhuasted and had several craters in my tongue by the time it was over, but I succeeded in surviving a meal with him without making him angry.
Last night we went to see Joyful Noise and enjoyed it despite it's bad reviews. The music is awesome.
Hopefully I will be able to overcome the lousy beginning of my day today and make some progress.....
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