So on Monday through Friday I typically post a devotional and link it to my Facebook. On Saturdays and Sundays I'm trying to still blog but not link it -- and then I feel a little bit more free because my kids provably won't come here on their own. I don't know, maybe they do. I try not to name them anymore like I used to when they were little, but I still have my own set of frustrations and struggles as a person because of my situation. I'm not done being a person full of failures and complaints, that's for sure.
Isn't it funny that no matter how good we have it, we still can find things to be irritated about? Now that's a devotional I may have to expound on at some point.
I think about it and I get frustrated with myself. I have a job that I love with coworkers who are dear friends. I live in a beautiful home that has a master bedroom/bathroom where I can go and pretend I'm in a hotel (in fact, we don't often stay in a hotel as nice as our own home, which has never been true). For the most part the kids don't track me down to annoy me hourly like they used to. I have grandchildren who pop up and see me on a regular basis.
But watching my husband prepare a meal for hours and then having nobody willing to do the dishes (even though we pay to have them done) and see that some can't even take their own dishes to the sink is super annoying. Or having someone tell us they need a ride to work early in the morning and not let us know until after we are up and ready to take them that they aren't working after all. Or planning all day to eat leftovers I've saved for myself because I have a restricted diet... and finding someone ate it even though it was in a container clearly marked "MOM." I could go on.
So I have to tell myself that we are all healthy, that all of the adults in our home are working and paying rent, that some of them are doing the best they can with what they have. And I remind myself that keeping my mouth shut so we don't have a house full of conflict which my peace-loving husband despises is more important than people not doing the dishes. He won't let me do them -- he just does them quietly himself.
Instead of trying to change things, I have now come to a point that I have to figure out how to live with the choices we have made. It's not always easy.
I haven't kept up with a lot of adoptive parents whose kids are now all adults. I wonder if they have empty nests. I wonder if they have moved into a new phase of life or if they are still living with all this junk in their lives. I wonder if they have been able to overcome the resentment and frustration and are able to focus on the good things.
I sure hope so.
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