Monday, November 28, 2011

Thank You for Making My Black Friday Sale...

the least successful sale in the history of Black Friday.

Nobody bought anything.

So you not buying anything helped me break the all time low profit on Black Friday record.


Apparently, having a Black Friday sale that is successful requires a lot of advertising or something, because I made zero money on Black Friday? Who does that? Me apparently.

So, just so I can do better -- or break a record by having two failures in a row....

ANNOUNCING a CYBER MONDAY sale -- beginning now until 17 hours from now at our online store. (I forgot to set it early and a coupon has to be available for at least 17 hours, so you could actually participate in part of cyber tuesday, which doesn't exist). Use the coupon CYBERMONDAY even if it's Tuesday when you order it.

So, if you have any of the following people on your Christmas list, then you might want to buy one of my books:

1) A person who knows Bart (or me) and wants to hear about how we aquired twelve kids in twelve years. Our first book will tell them the story. We will autograph the book for them and say whatever you want us to say. I will pretend to love anyone for a buck.

2) A Christian woman. My second book is written for Christian women and I think it can hit the mark for nearly every Christian woman you might know. It's a nice touchy-feely book that talks about God's heart and it is so nice that Bart said he couldn't read it because it made him puke. Now that is brilliant marketing if I ever saw it.

3) A parent of any kind. The third book is about parenting -- all kinds of parenting. It is funny. Funnier than me. Maybe not funnier than me in person, but funnier than me on paper because it also includes my co-author Matt on paper, and he is funny too. I didn't say funnier than me. I said that he and I together are funnier than me alone. But he is not funnier than me. Just saying.

4) A person with a sense of humor. If you know anyone who likes to laugh, see above. Matt is funny. I am funny. Have I said something about being funny? I am funny. But at least I'm not repetitious or redundant and I never repeat myself.

5) A person who can read. If you have a person on your Christmas list who can read, then they should be reading more and watching less TV, but they can't do that if you don't give them a book, and if you have to give them a book, you might as well buy one of mine and help give my children a good Christmas. (OK, OK, so that went a bit too far. My kids will have a good Christmas whether you buy a book or not).

AND now, for those of you who have gotten this far.... here is a contest for you. If you can come up with the best (or funniest) reason why someone should order one of my books and put it in a comment, I will send you a free book of your choice.

And one more thing... Everyone who writes a post about my books on their blog during the month of December and links it here will be entered into a drawing for a package of all three books. I can't really believe I"m offering this, but hey, it's Christmas.

Oh wait, one more final final thing. If you don't have anyone on your list in one of the five categories above, you really need more friends.


This is who we are said...

Because it works...this humor thing. Spoken from a mom who needed some humor in her life!

Check out my blog Claudia!

Happy Advent...
Lisa Rose

Stacy said...

This is my first time visiting your blog and I will be back! Parenting adopted and bio children is the hardest thing I have ever done. My best reason for buying your book (or books) is the humor factor. Frankly, if I don't laugh about this journey I will cry.....

Kelley said...

Because I do have a lot of friends who have experienced adoption in many ways and I want to understand their families better so I can support them better!

AnnMarie said...

I was totally laughing out loud, not just giggling, and the Bart comment. I had to share it with my husband. 7 year old thought it was hysterical (but then, anything with an icky bodily function tends to do that to her). Anyway, I already have all 3 book, but I wanted to share a blog post I saw the other day that you might get some advice from

Annehueser said...

I thoroughly enjoyed your first two books and will buy the third as soon as I have the money. But other people should buy it because I want a sequel. Or a prequel. Or something. And you might not write one if we don't buy the first one.

Felicia said...

because it's a great way for a college student to avoid studying for finals! And if you're not a college student you should buy it to show your friends, family, random people on the street how "cool" and "hip" you are. Everything we do is "cool" and "hip" and since we (I) have read book one and two and plan to read book three buy reading these books you'll be doing what the college kids do making you as cool as us. Don't believe that we're the standard of "cool"...ask your kiddos, everyone wants to be a college kid haha
So if you want to reach the ultimate level of cool and wow everyone with your "college kid swag" buy the books.
lol I always enjoy reading your blog and rereading your books Mrs. Claudia. as you can see from my comment, I think I'm hilarious but I've been told on many occasion that I'm not haha. Hopefully you chuckled at my attempt at humor

Joni said...

Because if you don't know anybody in any of those 5 categories you clearly need something to do. Ya know, since they're so lonely and all. Those books might make them feel less lonely in some way? ;)

Heidi Ho said...

You should get these books. Even people who don't read, cannot read, or have an irrational fear of reading should have these books. There are many reasons to own books.

If, for example, you owned an 1880s house in Minnesota, built by people with Inuit genes who never had the insight that some people's feet will never be warm, or they just had a mean-spirited sense of humor, you could line floor-to-ceiling bookcases with books to insulate. Home schoolers figured this out long ago. Of course, this doesn't solve your heat loss through the roof, but I am not here to solve ALL your problems.

If you own a rear-wheel drive vehicle and live in Minnesota, you could put cases of books in the back of the vehicle to provide traction. Some people you salt bags, but books can ALSO be read. Nobody reads salt bags.

If you own lots of books, you may present yourself as intelligent. This has not yet helped me, but maybe I just need more books.

If you scatter books all over your household, you may appear busy to the people who show up unannounced to chat. Unfortunately, the ones who show up unannounced are either blind, don't notice details like books scattered all over, or haven't figured out that is how to look busy. My children, however, seem to enjoy that excuse.

Books make excellent weights to secure blankets on tables when making blanket tents. In fact, if you own crates of Claudia's books, you could have tent parties. Just remember to have everybody bring their own blankets.

Or, if you want to do it the easy way, you could just read the books. could buy crates of her books, keep one of each title for reading, and do the above-mentioned ideas with the rest.

Yeah, that will work.