Monday, May 18, 2015

Those Arguing Voices in My Head

This is not a blog post that I'm going to put a link to on Facebook, or even tell anyone I'm writing.  If people find it, they find it., but it's more for me than for anyone else.

I find it ironic that my supervisor suggested on Friday that I take the whole weekend off and not work.  He said I needed time to regenerate.  Little does he know that unlike his home, my home is not a place of regeneration right now.  We have 7 boys living at home and one girlfriend that comes often not necessarily without our permission.   Their ability to get a rise out of me has waned because I'm tired, but there are times  when I get sucked into a stupid argument.  This last one with the person whose name I never mention on the blog but who always brings my blog up when he is mad was the one who I ended up arguing and it didn't end well.   Actually, it didn't end.

I mean it ended -- he stormed out and left me in the wake of his fury.  But it hasn't ended in my head.   Come backs to every comment he made have been running through my head for the 40 hours since the argument.   I can't stop the madness!

I haven't read Cindy's blog regularly for a couple years -- time constraints and not taking time to do anything that's only for me -- but I went back to check it out this weekend.  Her post Yelling Weeds means that for 10 years now we have been living parallel lives.  The stage of inconsiderate entitlement are upon us, and budgeting our money to help supplement the needs of underemployed or unemployed adults may be the most frustrating stage of all. 

Today I don't have lots of nice answers.   In fact, I'm asking a question of all of you who have gone through this:   How do you stop the voices in your head??


Mom of Many on the Road said...

I cling to God's promises and I force myself to perseverate on those until they drown out the negative. God is good. God loves me. God has a good plan for me. He knows my pain and knows my needs and always has my best interest in mind. God loves my child, more than I ever could. He has a good plan for my child. His ways are best, even if I don't understand them. I don't take their comments personally (well, I try not to). I trust that God will continue the good work begun in me, and in my child, and give that time to play out. I list things I'm thankful for and I don't stop listing until the voices are gone, until I feel at peace. For each negative voice, I search for a positive one to override it. It's a lot of work. It's tiring. It works. {{HUGS}}

marythemom said...

I wish I knew. :(

Amy said...

Re: How do you stop the voices in your head??

You definitely are not alone. Almost all the moms from FFLF are now older and are facing the very same problems. I still have 9 adult children here. The situation is complicated by the fact that all my kids are intellectually disabled, and some physically disabled as well.

We're 68 now. Some of the behaviors these kids have are really wearing on us now. If my kids at least had normal intelligence I'd tell them to get out and make a life for themselves and then lock the door. That not being the case, we solved it by buying a brand new travel trailer and now we're getting funding from the state for in home supports so the kids can live here forever. We, however, are going to leave and go full time rving.

That solves our problem and keeps the kids safe. I'm hoping the voices in my head shut up now.

Amy Hutton