Over breakfast in our new well-lit dining room this morning, my husband and I shared breakfast alone and an argument. Isn't that lovely? And it's primarily my fault. OK, it's all my fault.
I have been incredibly anxious because Tony is coming home from Job Corps in a week with both barrels loaded mentally to explain why he can't go back. We both know that he needs to go back there -- it's best option -- and yet he hates it. It's in his best interest and there are no other options that really work for him.
So I was attempting to express some concern... and just for a little background, let me tell you how the next month is going to go. On July 2nd, Tony will fly home. On the 6th he will go on the missions trip with the Mankato church. He returns on the 14th. On the 17th Bart is leaving for Orlando for his Academy for Spiritual Formation. He returns on the 23rd and Tony is supposed to be leaving to go back to job corps before he even gets back. Then on the 24th we are supposed to be leaving to drive to Washington DC .. and we've never planned to take Tony (and I'm pretty sure with he and Dominyk both along that someone would be either dead or insane by the time we arrived in Crystal City, VA and it would be tough either explaining to the folks at NACAC why I couldn't show up because I was either in prison or an institution).
So when I mentioned all this Bart suggested that I was borrowing trouble by worrying about it all today. Now if you know us, you know this is not characteristic for our personalities. He is typically the worrier and I am the one who wonders why he is worrying. But when it comes to the month of July, I can't stop thinking about how hard that whole thing is going to be, especially if Tony is as stubborn as he has been acting.
Today I get to go to two different Dunn Brothers to meet with various others about some adoption related stuff as well as this conference we're planning in October.
So it's all good -- for TODAY. It's just the trick of worrying only about today and not every other day that comes in the future.
I never struggled with anxiety until I lived through the past ten years. Now it kicks my butt sometimes.
But I'm determined to manage my emotions and my thoughts and the best I can do is to live one day at a time.