Monday, October 11, 2010
When There's Nothing More You Can Do
On Wednesday Salinda and I had an argument via phone and text. I was attempting to lead her through a conversation that basically said that she couldn't continue take and not give back if she expected to live here. Half way through the conversation she hung up on me. If she would have listened to the rest of what i was going to say -- in fact, there were compliments a few seconds down the road, she might have been able to understand what I was saying. But she wasn't open to that. She then asked for my permission to do something that at this point in time could be quite risky for all kinds of people and would not listen to any of the reasons behind it.
Last night she texted that she was going to stop by to pick up a couple things. I thanked her for letting me know and told her I loved her. She asked me if I wanted to see Gabby. I said of course.
Our interchange was simple enough. I told her I loved her. I told her I was sorry she felt like she couldn't discuss things with me and that I would be here whenever she was ready. I spent a bit of time with Gabby, hugged them both, and let them go.
Salinda will be 18 2 months and 9 days. She doesn't have my permission to be where she is. She doesn't ask for it. Her absence might last a week ... it might last years. But I had come to the conclusion this week that there was nothing more I could do. I have spent the past 4 years doing all I can to help her make good choices, but the bottom line is that she doesn't value me or us or our opinions at this point. She has made her own choices and they have led her into some really hard times. But instead of coming to us for guidance she has run away from us.
I have found that we have several kids who stop talking to us when they aren't interested in hearing about truth or reality. When they want to live in a world of fantasy where they ignore the law or the guidelines of counties, or whatever it might be, they don't want to be around us because we will remind them of what is true.
And so I feel like I've done everything I can do. Of course I am sad that she is choosing to make the choices she is, but I believe I have done way more than most people would having been treated the way I have.
Sorry for being vague, but there are way too many players in this game now who could read the blog that I can't articulate everything.
It's not about love. It's about realizing how much of a 17 year old's choices parents can control and knowing when to give myself a break emotionally from the burden of it all.
Each person is different in their approaches to things. Maybe you are reading this and thinking "I would handle this SO much differently." I would hope so. I've been far from perfect.
But at this point I can tell you there's nothing more that I, me, the person I am right now, can do.