I am really needing a pause button for my brain because I wake up at 5:00 or 5:30 and my mind spins and spins with all I need to do so that I can't go back to sleep and so I get up and all the mental energy seems to have faded away and I spend the day on the edge of tired... But it beats sleeping 12-15 hours a day and still feeling very tired-- which is what was happening last year.
Bart has mentioned that I was possibly clinically depressed when I was in Mankato because of all the things that we went through as a family there. The years from 2000 to 2010 in our families life were very hard years. Those were the years when my blog was, as my BFF Kari put it, "like a bad car accident. You know you shouldn't look but you can't help yourself." During our years in Mankato it was almost a daily thing that there was some near tragedy that had us on the edge of our seats emotionally, always on hyper alert status and it was exhausting! Throw in health issues over the last two years and some of the abandonment feelings we experienced as parents as young adults started leaving our house in less than wonderful ways, and I guess depression is an understandable result.
Speaking of abandonment, my friend Chantill found this excellent article that explains inducement much better than I did. It continues to make a great deal of sense to me.
And speaking of Kari, I had a home visit in Mankato yesterday and because we only have one vehicle I had to make a quick trip (the previously stolen van is currently being inspected to determine how much it would cost to repair it -- or if it will be called a total loss). But I couldn't resist adding an hour to the trip to spend time with Kari.
That conversation and a text from my friend Sue made me realize that I'm understimating my friends. I keep feeling bad that I'm having such a wonderful time in my new world because I didn't want them to think that I didn't love or miss them. It's been a weird set of feelings and I have chosen not to talk about my happiness much so that I don't make anyone feel bad.
But how dumb is that? My friends want me to be happy! And I am. Since I love new things I am in my element. I'm loving my new friends, our new church, our new home, the new business associates I'm meeting -- and the list goes on and on. My health is fairly stable right now, which is also helping.
So I apologize for underestimating people. Silly of me.
Time to head into another exciting day. Among other things, we have a potluck lunch at the church and people over tonight from church and a bunch of work in between.
The Future's so Bright I Gotta Wear Shades.
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