And Now, how the Week Begins

It's 6:16 a.m. Bart and I are the only ones awake. I just finished at the YMCA and have showered and am at my desk. It is very calm and quiet here... and will be for the next 15 minutes when we begin the morning routine.

Salinda didn't get what she wanted last night, but we learned that having her express her angst to her calm, cool, collected, patient, pastor-dad was much more calming than her "these are the facts, who cares about emotion, just get it together will you" not-at-all-a-pastor mom. She is unhappy and has done something that she thinks will disappoint us but is refusing to say what it is. I have a feeling I know but I'm waiting for her to tell me. Maybe that's not the right approach. I'll have to think about it.

She is carrying a big burden on her shoulders and won't share it with us... I'm tempted to try to make her talk, but maybe carrying the burden alone is a natural consequence of whatever it is she has done.

It is difficult when kids reach the teenage years because they will do what they are going to do. Parents can only hope that by the time kids reach these years, they have had values instilled in them that will carry them through them. In our case, several of our kids have really struggled during the identity formation years largely in part, I think, to their trying to find their place in this world as an adoptee who still has ties to birth parents.

But one of the things we have learned is that if a teenager has made a decision that they are going to do something, whatever that something is, they will find a way to do it. They are beyond the age where they can be completely controlled, if it is true that they have ever been....

Having 9 teenagers simultaneously may not have been the best planning we've ever done. There sure are a lot of burdens to carry...

Maybe our experience with our older boys has jaded us ... we still parent our kids, but with the knowledge that even our best attempts may not have the results we want them to. And that is sometimes so discouraging that it is tough to keep trying.

But we do.