Friday, April 11, 2008

Hitting Bottom

This morning I think I hit bottom. At least I hope I did. Because if the bottom is ahead then I am not sure how I will handle it. I would go through the whole story, requiring me to relive it all, but let me just give you some highlights (if you can call them highlights).

* 9:00 p.m. (last night): Argument with Salinda resulting in her intense anger and me shaking;

*9:15 p.m. Dominyk refused to take his pills, resulting in more anger from him.

*9:30 p.m. Bart and I try to go to bed early. We get interrupted every 4-6 minutes for at least a half hour.

10:00 p.m. Apparently there is water in the basement and a fuse is blown downstairs. I instruct the kdis to go to bed because they don't need lights to sleep. They do not.

10:15 p.m. I redirect the children who are still running around the house talking in loud voices with flashlights, but it doesn't work.

10:30 p.m. I go back out to attempt to redirect Tony, who is not responding to my attempts to redirct and instead screams cursewords at me.

11:00 p.m. I fall into a fitful sleep.

4:30 a.m. I wake up, but decide not to go to the YMCA because I need the sleep.

6:00 a.m. I get up, because I never did fall back asleep and now I am angry that I didn't go to the Y and wasted that 90 minutes.

6:10 a.m. I take a shower in the dark.

6:25 a.m. I try to fix the fuse box, which I cannot.

6:30 a.m. I get into an argument with my husband because I am so crabby he cannot stand to be around me when I am so crabby, which is due to sleep deprivation.

6:45 a.m. I call Mike and Kari, sing a few words of a song, and I ask Mike can come look at the fuse box.

7:00 a.m. I wake up Salinda who refuses to go to school. I warn her that I will call her P.O. if she doesn't go and she will be truant.

7:05 a.m. I leave the house and drive aimlessly until Mike calls to say he is coming over to fix the fuse.

7:20 a.m. I meet Mike at the house and we try to figure out the electricity problem.

7:30 a.m. Salinda yells at me again.

7:32 a.m. Tony reports that Salinda has left the house stealing Bart's keys. I yell out the door that if she has them, I may call law enforcement.

7:40 a.m. Mike find the problem and the electricity is back on.

7:45 a.m. I reset the internet, talk to Bart some more, and leave the house. I drive around a while, stopping to answer Salinda's angry texts where she denies having the keys.

8:00 a.m. I head to Dunn Brotheres but am so emotionally unstable that I'm not sure I can even be in front of people. I stay in the car for a while.

8:45 a.m I enter Dunn Brothers, emotionally exhausted and completely spent and begin to blog.

9:30 a.m. My meeting person gets here and I have to stop blogging. :-)

10:45 a.m. I come back to finish off the blog.

I guess the reason I blog today is that I think that there are a lot of us who get to this point periodically. I am emotionally spent, exhausted and don't feel well. I don't know how I can face the rest of the day especially knowing that I will have to deal with a very angry Salinda. I think I need to sleep for a long time, but since our school district has more reasons not to have school than any district I've ever seen, I have 7 kids at home. Sleeping might not be possible.

I am tempted not to blog on days like this. Days when there isn't a lot of hope on the horizon. But sometimes, sharing it with those who have been here and know how this feels helps. And then, if I blog everything, I can go back and read my own words, for example, things like hope is birds singing in the cold darkness and remind myself that everything is going to be OK.

3 comments:

debbie said...

oh claudia, bless your heart. i hope you can at least cat nap. i have to disagree though, my school district definitely has more days off than anyplace. at least every 3 weeks, i actually sat and figured it out i was so frustrated.

Cindy said...

..."but am so emotionally unstable that I'm not sure I can even be in front of people.."

I can relate to that in a very big way

Linda B said...

It must be a trend now. We never have more than 3 full weeks of school. Claudia, I think you need to blog on good and bad days. It makes us feel more normal, or at least when we do go through something not as bad then we can say "Well,I can manage this, it's not near as bad as what Claudia went through!" Of course, the bads make the goods so much higher and sweeter for us too. Glad Mike was able to your lights back on! I'd like a Mike up here!