Thanks....

I wrote a long blog post this morning about our son who was discharged from Jail this morning, but I have deleted it. We haven't heard from him.

He says that he reads this blog sometimes and that because of what I write I make people hate him. The idea that if people "hate him" might have somethiing to do with his actions, not my reporting him, never crosses his mind.

Thanks to those who have blogged and emailed encouragement. If you've gone through something like this you know it is very hard to do. But sometimes there are no choices.

When a person has a verbally abusive spouse there are tons of resources out there for them. They have people who will rescue them. They can leave that spouse, divorce them, and move forward. Parents cannot divorce their children. They can refuse to have contact with them, but they will always belong to them.

I wrote a book chapter last week that applies to my life right now. I could be very anxious about what is going to happen with this particular son over the next few weeks. But let me share with you the advice I give in my book so that I can remind myself of it:

One study showed that 40 percent of things most people worry about never happen; 30 percent of what we worry about has already happened and cannot be changed; 22 percent of what we worry about regards problems which are beyond our control; only eight percent of what we worry about are situations over which we have any influence.

What if we were able to ask ourselves these questions when we were stuck in a mental cycle of worry:

Do I know for sure this is going to happen?

Can I control this situation?

Is this something that has already happened that I can do nothing about?

I have a feeling that if we were able to do so, we might find ourselves being able to cancel out most of our worries.

My life is full to overflowing with things to be “concerned” about. Right now we have a son who just got out of jail, two adult sons who are unemployed, two grandchildren who have parents who aren’t married and don’t have jobs, and a couple of kids whose mental illness seems to be getting more serious by the day.

Multiple times a day I find myself saying. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Borrowing stress and trouble from the future isn’t going to help me today. All I need to do is live from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour, and occasionally from minute to minute. It has been a deliberate action on my part to replace the nagging worry-filled thoughts with these kinds of sentences:

Don’t get ahead of yourself!

Today has enough trouble of it’s own.

God has it all under control.

All I have to do is get through today (or this hour, or this minute).

And, when I am having trouble falling asleep, I imagine myself resting in God’s arms and I say to myself, “In this moment, at this time, all is well.”

On one of those days when you’re feeling most stable, make a list of things you can say to yourself when you hear those anxious thoughts come busting into your brain. Grab one and repeat it to yourself each time and you’ll be surprised at how this can become a habit that leads to a more peaceful existence. Trust me, it works.