I just made up this pithy little sentence when I was talking to a professional about one of my kids. In fact, it is probably going to be come a chapter in my next book.
The idea is this - and you can challenge me if you think I"m off base. Wherever we go we take oursevles with us. Salinda especially has had this problem for years -- if she can just get to the next thing, then she will be happy.
But is'nt it true that If I can't be happy no matter where I am -- I won't really be happy anywhere?
5 comments:
Oh so true!!!! We say in our house "No matter where you are, there you are."
Absolutely correct!! My 17 yo dd's therapist was talking to her about this exact thing one day. My dd thinks life will be wonderful anywhere but here. She says she is taking off at 18 and we will never see her again - ever. She will not contact us, her bio-sibs who we adopted with her, her bio-family, no one. Her therapist said, "The one person you're taking with you, is YOU and if YOU are the one with the problem, you're taking your problems along everywhere you go, you aren't leaving them here for Mom and Dad to deal with". I don't think she got it since according to her, ALL of her problems stem from her proximity to US. I don't believe the grass will ever be green under her feet. It will always be better somewhere else, until she's there and then it'll suddenly be intolerable and she'll move on. Very sad way to live.
Oh so true!! It's like people who are looking for the "perfect" church. As long as they are there it won't be perfect!
Mostly true. I can think of cases where it isn't true. For instance in cases of domestic violence. Assuming the person is otherwise mentally healthy, then they will not be happy where they are and will be happy in the new safer environment. My sister fell into that category.
I have SO much less experience with this than all of you, but a young adult friend (aged out of foster care; in for all of her life that she could remember) mentioned that until she was in her 20s she believed that was how everyone solved relationship problems--just leave them behind; move on. It took some years of maturity and a marriage to a really great guy (raised in a great family) before she realized that she was actually raised to believe this moving-on stuff. After all for her entire childhood, at the slightest hint of a problem a social worker would move her elsewhere. Not until she had her own family did she come to realize that most people are socialized to work on relationships because they can't just move; that her childhood experiences weren't the norm at all.
Do those of you in this field find this to be a common, if inadvertent, result of the "many foster homes" experience?
Post a Comment