i guess the last few months I've kind of been on a sabbatical of sorts, although it was not fun, I didn't ask for it, and i certainly didn't enjoy it or end it feeling refreshed. However, I did learn a few things that I want to incorporate into my life as a result of these months of being exhausted all the time.
1) I learned how to rest. I learned how to listen to my body and allow myself to sleep or nap if necessary.
2) I almost learned how to relax. When I had no other choices, I could sit and do things that otherwise I've been unable to thoroughly enjoy without the stress of wondering what I could have been doing if I hadn't been "wasting time" relaxing.
3) I learned to pay attention to details. When it required effort just for me to get through my normal routines, I had to go through details in my head for things that were almost automatic. Even my shower routine in the morning was a calculated procedure with me reminding myself as I went through it what needed to happen next. This habit will be helpful now as in the past I got in a big rush and often forgot details.
4) I learned to lean on others instead of doing everything myself. Bart was amazing while I was sick and I had others who helped make up for what I couldn't do.
5. I learned to break things down into small steps in order to accomplish what I absolutely had to do in a day and not trying to do any more.
In looking back over the last few months, especially February and March until the cardioversion last week, everything is kind of a blur. I realize that I made some errors in judgment -- hopefully none with major consequences -- but some of those are bothering me now and I'm kicking myself for not making better choices.
But being out of the fog I now realize just how bad the fog was. I was really out of it. Everything seems brighter now and it feels good. Now I'm just going to keep finding out what I did or said that wasn't the best judgment and explaining those things to people as I go along.
But from here on out hopefully I'll remember the stuff I learned and can transfer it into a more energy filled existence. :-)