If you haven't already read it on Bart's blog I will be the first to inform you that Mike stopped by tonight telling us that his landlord was out in the driveway again. "I don't get why she's so pissed at me."
I just responded to him, "Mike, you signed a lease. You are an adult. When an adult signs a lease they are supposed to live by what they sign. You said that you would have no visitors and you have visitors all the time."
He has until tomorrow at 5. She has no choice but to evict him -- he has 13 and 14 year old boys and girls there without their parents permission. Her reputation is at stake. He won't abide by the rules.
He won't get a job. He won't even accept a job I get for him. He spends his days and nights skateboarding from house to house. He comes here to eat every 24-48 hours and eats like a starving animal -- even though we're only a mile away and he can eat here three times a day.
I have mixed feelings. We felt some pressure from others saying we needed to do something for Mike, and we were in agreement. We felt bad that he was homeless and living right in our town. He was desperate. He asked us for help. We found someone willing to rent to him for FREE. And it lasted 18 days... and only because she was patient. He had violated his lease within 4.
Does he get it? Maybe, maybe not. Can he live here? No, in fact, he is starting to respect our guidelines less and less each day. (Last night he came at 10:15 and I told him to eat quickly and leave immediately. I found him on the couch watching TV at 11:00...
Having his chaos here when Salinda is in her defiance mode is not good. He keeps the other kids in a state of disequilibrium all the time.
I am sad that we put our friend in this position. She was giving, gracious and very fair. She has lost sleep and poured lots of time, energy and emotion into making this work for Mike, and the result is that he blew it... People who do not understand FASD simply DO NOT GET IT. And explaining it to them just doesn't work She feels lied too, manipulated, used, cheated... and she can't get her mind around the idea that maybe a lot of this really isn't intentional.
So, we ask ourselves again, "Is there something more we should do? If so, what is that?" I didn't get my hopes up that this would work this time. Writing was on the wall from day one. But how many more people can we ask to go out on a limb for someone who seems bent on chopping down the whole tree?
2 comments:
I am so blessed, my FASD daughter is very, very easy. Of course, it's a struggle to understand her or get her to understand life most of the time... but she tries and she is so sweet.
I often wonder if it's because I was able to homeschool her and keep her near me from the get-go? Or is it just that I've been blessed with an "easy" FASD child?
She is only 11 now, but I honestly would keep her home with me forever if she needs (I know you can't!).
Nicole
I threatened to drug my stepson and take him to India and leave him with $20 to have to find his way home.
OK, so my husband didn't go for it. SS's FAS is not as severe as it sounds like Mike's is, but for SS I felt the only way to make him progress would be to to put him in a position where he MUST take positive action in order to survive. The fear of course is that he won't survive and that goes against every instinct we have to keep him safe.
He's taken out loans so he doesn't have to get a job (how, I don't know) and he's sleeping on friends' sofas. He has to continually make new "friends" to keep this up, but he has managed this way for 2 years. If he could put as much energy into doing things the right way as he puts into skating by, he'd be fine!
I don't know what the answer is. I wish I did. You have my prayers.
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