Redemption

Last night I blew it. I got caught up in a ridiculous argument with Sadie. She wanted me to help her with homework and she had it stuck in her head exactly how she wanted it to go. When I suggested I help her in a little bit different way, she was not interested and she began a huge stubborn streak that resulted in me yelling at her (OK, so I wasn't handling it well).

The instructions on her paper said that she was supposed to circle the homonym pairs and she decided to choose that as her battle ground. She was not going to circle them. She was going to underline one and circle the other one. The problem was, that the word that didn't fit in the sentence needed to be underlined.

So, being the intense person that I am, and already tired having been awake since 4:30 a.m., I could not see past the instructions (I am a very black and white thinker, especially when I am tired). If I was going to help her do homework, she needed to get it right. And she decided she was not going to circle those silly little words.

I started to yell and it got worse from there. However, I refused to let it go on all night. I finally just told her that we were both too tired, that she should have done her homework directly after school as expected here (she didn't admit to having any after school) and that I would be happy to help her in the morning, at 6:15. I physically removed her from my office and locked the door so that we could both recover. She screamed that she wished I wasn't her mom (and I have to confess at that moment, I wished i wasn't either, but I didn't say so outloud).

When I heard her crying, i went into her room and attempted to make progress, but she was still caught up in the stage where everything became an argument, so I finally just said goodnight and told her I would wake her up in the morning.

Later Bart mentioned that possibly I could have just let her not circle the words. That it was her homework and that if she wanted to get them all wrong I should have let her. I'm sure that when he mentioned this to me I probably blinked and looked shocked, because last night when I was that tired, the thought never crossed my mind. I was so intent on making sure that she did it RIGHT. Sometimes I really drive myself nuts.

But this morning I was able to wake her up and she came downstairs to my office, and we had the assignments done in less than 20 minutes. And she thanked me.

Parenting children who have a history of abuse or neglect is extremely difficult sometimes. There is so much healing to be done and we as parents often are caught up in some of the stress of the issues our children have. There are moments when we change and become people that we do not like much, people we are not proud of. The stress, anxiety and frustration of our kids behaviors lead us to places where we do not recognizer ourselves. And at that point sometimes the challenges seem unfaceable.

But this morning I am thankful for redemption -- for second chances for all of us. I'm thankful that when things get screwed up, there is the option we all have to be the extenders or recipients of grace, or both. And that in the consistent mending of relationships they are strengthened. And I am thankful for the redemptive love of merciful God who always extends that grace to me, to all of us.

And next time I think I'll just remember to let her get them wrong if she is determined to do so.

I hope.