I think I have Post Traumatic Stress. A mild version of it, but I think I have it. I have heard lots of adoptive parents talk about that.
Even though Salinda is doing OK, I still need to confront her about a couple of things. And even though things have been going very well, knowing I have to talk to her brings about physical signs of stress for me. Heart rate increases, hands get cold, and I have to force myself to calm down.
I think this is due to several "negative feedback loops" that we have created in the past and getting back to them. She has done something, I have responded the same way, it has gotten more negative, she has responded negatively, and so it all continues to happen in the same way.
Even though some of these patterns have changed and we do better, knowing a conversation is coming just brings on the same stress as I blogged about happening back in October. Hopefully the outcome will be different enough times that it can erase all of this.
But until then I need a solution.
Today's solution is to go work out on the Wii fit for a little while and see if I can warm up my hands and feet..... Getting my blood pumping in a positive direction can't hurt.
2 comments:
PTSD?
Duh.
Oof. I know how that is. I get anxiety bigtime anytime I have to pick Tara up from somewhere and she has been away from me. I consider it a success if she doesn't cry when she sees me and throw a fit. I am SO relieved when she is simply disappointed to see me. When my son is happy to see me, I am overjoyed and blown away. Every. Day.
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