Friday, July 11, 2008

Playing Hard Ball

Well, I'm not, but Probation finally is. As soon as I got back from the Y I called the P.O. and she said she was going to have Salinda put in detention when she returns.. She said she is tired of playing games. I explained that I had been lied to about her whereabouts two weekends in a row and that she refused to tell me where she was last night. "A friend's" was her only explanation.

How will Salinda feel about this? Betrayed and angry at me for reporting her missing. She will sob endlessly about having to return to detention as she hates it there. She will feel falsely blamed.

So, how do I feel about this? My first feeling is that it is going to be a very crappy couple of hours from when she gets home (if she does return) and when she is arrested and taken from here. The arrival of law enforcement at our home always causes the other kids to freak out. And I hate the stress.

My second feeling is that I am relieved that Probation is taking this seriously. Salinda obviously doesn't care if she gets in trouble or gets caught. She just keeps doing this dumb stuff -- almost every weekend. She doesn't tell me the truth, she isn't where she is supposed to be, and she doesn't seem to care that she gets caught. As one of you guys emailed me, can't she be a better liar? Any time I choose to catch her I can.

My third feeling is that I am glad that I don't have to come up with consequences. Probation Officer and I have an agreement. If I want to handle things at home, then I come up with appropriate consequences. If they handle it, they do. So spending the weekend in a detention facility will be consequence enough and I won't have to come up with something.

Fourthly, I feel relieved that once she is out of here I will have a couple days I don't have to wonder what is up with her. Probably sexist, but because she is a girl I worry about her way more than I did MIke or John when they were doing all this junk. I keep picturing her kidnapped or raped by these guys she continues to pursue... or other things.

I am also, and this is my fifth reaction, feeling very said. This is because she has so much potential that she is throwing away. She cares so little about herself and I'm not sure who can help her.

My primary feeling though, at this moment is one of dread. I dread the anxiety of waiting to see if she shows up. I dread the blow up that will be occur when I tell her she needs to stay home until her Probation Officer calls. I dread the outburst, anger, and sobbing that will burst forth when she realizes she is heading to detention. And I dread the court hearing on Monday which I will have to attend alone because Bart will be in D.C. with Kyle.

And I don't like it that these things often happen when Bart is out of town. He will be leaving today to take some kids to Ricardo's soccer tournament today, so I'll do all the stuff above that I dread alone. And don't even think that I should ask him to stay home. I can do it just fine. It's just that things are always better and easier when I have my husband around.

4 comments:

nancy said...

I'm sure sorry for your drama and your the fears and frustrations you have to live, Claudia. Praying she does return and that something somehow gets through to her.
Nancy

Carmel said...

You and Salinda will be in my thoughts. I have been reading your blog for a long time and even though it may not represent everything you are, it definitly portrays how strong and compassionate a person you are.

Mom of 7 said...

Claudia,

I'm so sorry that you have to go though this. My 18 year old (biological) son has a substance abuse problem, so I know exactly how you feel. I dread having the police at my house and I hate to have to turn my son in, but as parents, we do what we have to do to help our kids, no matter how much we hate it. My wish for you is that you can find some serenity for yourself, even through all of this.

Michelle

Process said...

You wrote, "She doesn't tell me the truth, she isn't where she is supposed to be, and she doesn't seem to care that she gets caught. As one of you guys emailed me, can't she be a better liar? Any time I choose to catch her I can." This made me think of the story of the Runaway Bunny. Do you know it? It's a children's book in which the little bunny asks his mother what she would do if he ran away in different ways, and she always answers that she would find him, because he is her little bunny. So I don't know if any of that fits in Salinda's situation, but that's what it made me think of.