I read this a couple days ago -- and it keeps sticking with me. It's from the perspective of an adult adoptee who was adopted as an infant and is talking about his birthfather in regards to Father's Day.
I'd be interested in your thoughts.... It's had quite an impact on me.
42 Ties and I Have None
2 comments:
I could have written that article Claudia, down to the Wayne County in Michigan....it's where I was put up for adoption too. My bio father was married, had other children and had an affair. I am a result of that affair. My bio mom was young and unmarried though and her parents made her give me up for adoption. I knew she loved me and did search for her, however, I have no desire to find my bio father. I've been told he did nothing to support her after she became pregnant and that speaks volumes to me. I feel Nothing towards him. No connection, no desire to find him. I've spent very little time thinking about him. I've never thought of him on Father's Day at all.
I do understand the need to feel some connection or at least have some answers. When you don't know you're story, it's like living in limbo forever. I know enough of my story now that I've been reunited with my bio mom's family that I'm satisfied. I know who I look like. I know where my mannerisms come from. I'm so much like my bio mom, that I never met, it's crazy.
And this is one of the reasons I'm such a proponent of keeping in touch with bio family as much as you can. That family is part of our kids. They need to know their story.
Yes, this definitely gives you pause. The hard thing is that there is no right or wrong way to handle a lot of this. What works for one child would not work with another. My children don't understand they are adopted. They have FAS and a host of other alphabets. I have told them they grew in another lady's tummy but they do not really put together the realities of that. They are also a different race, so you would think certain things would be obvious, but they truly don't think that way and we have never really made too much of it. I just feel as if they have enough going on without worrying about another family that they will probaly never see. I am not saying that is right, either. I just do what feels right for now. I definitely worry about what will happen when they are older. It does confuse the issue when the children are developmentally delayed. At least for me it does.
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