I don't know about other parents of kids with special needs, but sometimes the contrast is so great that I begin to feel envy, or maybe just wistfulness about how life would have been if we would have chosen a different path.
Last night, Tony's Boy Scout troop had their Code of Honor meeting where everyone gets their awards. I was sitting next to a wonderful person whose son is the ultimate super over-achiever. He's gone beyond Eagle Scout and is still earning award after award. Tony, on the other hand, was lucky to show up with his uniform ironed and on his body. AND he was furious that I was coming. He didn't want me there. But Bart had a conference call and so I needed to represent the family as it was the "right thing to do." He mistreated me whenever I was close enough to whisper to... called me names. Nearly had to make a scene in order to get him to pose for a the picture, even though everyone else's parents were taking pictures...
I know people who have one or two "perfect" children and who invest all of their time and energy into these kids. The kids have their genes and are super achievers. They do what they are supposed to do 95% of the time, and when they don't its never anything HUGE.
We live in a world full of huge -- even our kids who are doing borderline well for them are still far below average.
The life that we have chosen is not an easy one. In fact, it is a much harder journey than I ever dreamed we were embarking upon at the beginning. Most of the time, I am satisfied. But every once and a while I get caught in a few moments of "what might have been" and wonder...
But I don't stay there long because there is no point in it. This is what we have been called to do, this is the life we live. And so I will find joy here, and there is a lot of it every time I stop to look.
4 comments:
Hi Claudia, I hear you about the contrast. I have also marvelled about how my perceptions of parenthood have changed since my daughter came home and we were inducted into the life of parenting a child with special needs. My expectations are different and I am happy over such simple things. I look at other families and wonder sometimes if they truly appreciate their "typical" kids for who they are...
My firstborn birth child is a "Christmas letter" child. The rest of them... huge, yeah.
Just remember that the majority of people have kids with their genes, and they are often disappointed and pained by them as well. I often have to remind my Mom that the jails are not filled with adopted kids and the majority of kids in the police report are not adopted. It just seems that way because it's the life we all lead. And truly, I'm sure if you dig deep enough you will find hardship in those "perfect" lives, they just aren't glaringly obvious like ours tend to be. And, as I also tell my Mom, you'd want that life for maybe one day, then you'd be bored and ready for some action. And that's exactly why God chose you and my Mom to lead these lives...
Love, Yolie
I totally hear you. But, then again, Yolie has some very valid points.
Angela :-)
Post a Comment