Birthdays, Being Wrong and Being Right

(Picture has nothing to do with post -- girls in August of 2002)

Last night I had a dream that Mike got out of jail and moved home. It was a bad dream because Bart and I were in disagreement over how to handle the situation and Bart was very angry with me. It left me with an unsettled feeling. And then this morning had an email from some networking site that Mike had me join a while back that tomorrow is his birthday. Yes, I knew that. He will be turning 19 from jail. Bart wrote him a letter, which is not in violation of the harassment restraining order, but otherwise there will be no contact. It's sad really -- that in order to keep our other kids and our possessions safe that we can't have contact with him.

Last night Bart found himself in the nasty predicament of needing to confront me about some of the ways I parent. Confronting me is no treat. I'm not exactly a gracious receiver of criticism. Especially when it is coming one of THOSE people. You've met them, right? One of those people who is so smart and has such a wonderful personality that they seldom do anything wrong AND they are usually right about other people too. By the end of the conversation, I realized he was right and had to admit that I was wrong and could improve. Ick. Gotta hate it when that happens.

I did have a situation though where I did the right thing. My oldest daughter came up with another ridiculous - not well thought out - plan. When she presented it to me, I was frustrated. It made no sense. And when I explained to her why it wasn't going to work she, of course, was angry with ME. Hey now, I wanted to say, Don't shoot the messenger.

I didn't respond perfectly at first -- typical back and forth teenage girl and her stupid mother thing -- and she stormed out. I spent a few minutes getting myself back on track and then later headed up to talk to her. Last week, I avoided her when she was angry and things kept escalating, so I was determined not to go down that road. By the time I got back to talk to her she had given up her plan. I told her that I was sorry that she might not get to do exactly what she had planned. And I reminded her again, that none of it was really my fault. I asked her to please be ready on time for church -- and she was, and she acted appropriately the rest of the night.

Sometimes this journey in parenting is difficult and I don't do a very good job at it. But like I told Bart, if I can make a little change every day, if I improve just a tiny bit, every single day, maybe by the time the kids are grown and out of the house, I'll actually be a good parent.