Cindy's post last night was so honest -- such pure emotion. I've been there. Her last line is something I've thought to myself more than once. You'll have to go there to read it.
I didn't make it to the YMCA this morning. When Bart isn't here I don't sleep well, and last night was no exception. The thing most frustrating is that everything in my world was perfectly fine. I just couldn't sleep. And so, about midnight, after lying there for two hours, i decided that it might be better if I changed the alarm that was set for 5 a.m.
Bart is picking up Kyle to spend the night tonight. I haven't seen him for a while. It's nice to be at a point where I actually look forward to seeing him. Raising him was SO hard for me. He was our first older child and really didn't want a mom. He spent years triangulating and trying to cause friction between Bart and I, so there was lots of conflict surrounding him. I don't think we had even a conversation that wasn't an argument from the ages of 11-14.
Fortunately for Tony, we raised Kyle first. He is ten times more oppositional (which we did not believe possible) and also whines and cries (which Kyle never did). He is much more volatile and has a quicker temper. Last night I did not handle him well and my trip to the mall (where I hate going anyway) resulted in no purchases because I just couldn't stand the constant arguing and begging and whispering under his breath. Sadie went with us and didn't have fun anyway. I think she was just feeling sorry for me most of the time and wanted it all to be over as soon as possible.
I will parent alone again today as Bart is out of town until 10 tonight. I'm glad it's a school day. There is a sports meeting tonight that I have to attend as well. Soccer practice for Ricardo begins tonight -- and then other sports start soon. And of course, spring break is coming up. No school Thurdsay, Friday, Monday or Tuesday.
Busy days ahead.
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