I guess when I was posting about what to do when a large child or teen was having a tantrum was more about what I was supposed to do to keep my mind occupied and keep myself patient while I listened to the screaming fit.
Here are some of the things I have tried with my kids:
1) Calmly responding to repetitive questions until I just can't answer the same question any more;
2) Ignoring the behavior completely and attempting to focus on my work;
3) Involving myself in something else that is distracting me, like an IM conversation with someone at the office. Telling them about it makes it easier to live with;
4) Blogging about it as it happens;
5) Taking pictures or making a video, even though I seldom do anything with the pictures or movie. I have one son who will immediately stop crying and put on a smile the second the camera is pointed at him, but will begin again when I put it down. So sometimes I just sit here pointing the camera at him when my ears need a break.
6) Talking to another child as we attempt to distract each other;
7) Reminding them that their behavior is not helping them (which, in turn, they should remind me that reminding them that their behavior is not helping them is not helping them. wow what a sentence).
8) Asking for my husband's help if he is home or mention calling him. They respond differently to him (a big duh in most adoptive homes -- mom is usually the target)
9) Try to distract them with a funny story or silly behavior (this works for some, not for others)
10) Shut my hands over my head, close my eyes, and sing "Amazing Grace" somewhat loudly.
Any other ideas -- not about what to do with the child/teen, because sometimes there is nothing you can do, but what you can do with your own mind to keep yourself from the urge to silence the shrieking object using any means possible?
That was the question I was trying to ask.
5 comments:
When my 14 y.o. 200 lb-er would go into these tantrums/rages/episodes. I would either stand at the door, or in the area, blocking the door or window (he usually threatened to jump/runaway) and read a book (and silently pray). In the beginning in a calm voice, I'd say, you're upset, I get that, unfortunately when you're like this I can't help you, when you are ready to talk about it, I'm here. Rule usually was talk respectfully (no shouting, disrespect) and we can talk, otherwise, whatever time you spend in tantrum/rage is my time wasted so you owe me that time back bc you couldn't use appropriate behavior/language. And then afterwards when they were cooled down (sometimes the next day), we'd talk about a plan to handle the tantrums/rages for next time. That helped calm the # of them down after a few months.
I have a mantra: "It's not about me." I recite it repeatedly as I walk away from the situation. Once I am physically out of Daughter's presence, the mantra has usually calmed me enough that I can focus on something else.
Over the course of the years, two interesting things have come from this: 1. When I report a tantrum to her therapist, I usually don't remember what set her off or the length or content of her rants. The one exception is when she comes up with a new turn of phrase, then her therapist and I will (out of her presence) admire her creativity.
2. Daughter now removes herself from my presence as soon as she begins to lose her temper (she's going to beat me to it, I guess). Once she has left my presence, she quickly calms herself and comes back and apologizes.
Here are some of the thigns I used to do when my daughter was getting her scream on:
Turn on the news, very boring, very loud.
If Tara was outside and screaming, sometimes I would go outside and scream with her. Then look at her and say, "Ooh, that feels good!" ever so calmly and walk away. The first few times it stopped her and confused her.
Turn on the music really loud.
Send Tara to her room and then I would hide in my closet.
Turn on music and dance around stupidly.
Videotape her and take pictures. Like yours, she would stop and smile, then continue when the camera was put away.
Encourage her to get louder, and she would usually get softer cause of her ODD.
I once saw a t-shirt which read "I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?"
I guess 18 years in the world of daycare has allowed me to learn how to ignore REALLY well. Just ask my poor husband. I can tune out just about anything.
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