Leaving for NACAC tomorrow .. if I'm still sane and alive

If I'm still alive. Deep deep breaths.

Last night adult son had permission to bring girl here to shower and get ready to leave and take her home. I was relieved. I wasn't sure he was going to come back or not, so I went down to find out if he was in his bed. He was. And so was she.

A couple days ago I had told him that his erratic behaviors and refusal to respect the rules here were causing my anxiety to spike. I told him I was having trouble sleeping. He offered me an Ambien that the court psychologist had prescribed for him.

Isn't that just classic FASD? I say, "Your behaviors are causing me not to sleep." He says, "Want a sleeping pill."

So I finally called the girl up here to talk to her. That of course, made him quite nervous and he mentioned that she had anxiety issues and I was making them worse. I didn't even respond to that since I am obviously not the person who brought her here to break the rules and have some high string B**** mother screaming at them all the time. Which actually, I only completely lost it 2 of the 5 mornings I found her there. And I didn't even talk to her the mornings that they weren't both there. I think this morning was morning number 7.

I don't want to leave for Connecticut/Massachusetts with her still in town. Apparently last night they got all ready to go and low and behold they were all packed up but had no money for gas. I have offered to go get them gas money and pay for the trip because I don't want to make the trip myself, which is looking like the only other option.

I certainly know that I could really become tough again and get a restraining order and keep them both out of here if I needed to, but really he is pretty innocuous. He's depressed, barely able to function and having a really tough time wanting to live. I do have compassion for him and I have been about as gracious as I get, and still he disrespects the rules on a daily basis. He appears lost and confused...

I actually took time to listen to the podcast that Kari referred us to about FASD and jail. It so describes our son. Jail has not served him well at all. It has made him worse, though.

So if I can actually get these "adults" out of my house today and feel like things are OK here, I am hoping to be able to enjoy my few days away with my husband.