Fatigue

There is such a thing as compassion fatigue, but I'm not all that compassionate so I'm not sure that's what I have. I do have disappointment fatigue, or possibly meaning fatigue.

I married a man who said that happiness wasn't nearly as important as meaning and we began to build a life so full of meaning that it bursts at the seems. He is a pastor and I am an adoption professional and we have 12 kids. Does that just scream meaning or what? We are certainly attempting to do meaningful things with our time.

However, I gotta worn you, the more people's lives you touch, the more opportunities you will have to be disappointed. People make choices and they aren't always good ones. People say and do things that are unkind and hurtful. Many people are so wrapped up in their own lives and issues that they don't even notice when they are affecting others.

And so today I'm just feeling tired -- tired of being disappointed. Tired of people letting me down when they don't even know it. I refuse to live in the kind of world where I have such low expectations that I'm never disappointed -- who wants to live like that? But even as my expectations have lowered over time, I am still disappointed sometimes.

It's not really anything specific today - just the collection of things that surrounds me everywhere I look.... people not living up to their potential, people making poor choices, systems made up of people who fail others, and lack of sleep!

I may not be able to fix other people, but I can take care of me -- so I may just have to have a nap before Isaac comes over today! It's sounding like a very good plan (I've been up since 4:30....)

Courtney sent this picture after she fed him baby food for the first time last night. I'm not thinking he was thrilled with the whole idea based on his expression but she said he ate them!