Tuesday, April 19, 2011


There is such a thing as compassion fatigue, but I'm not all that compassionate so I'm not sure that's what I have. I do have disappointment fatigue, or possibly meaning fatigue.

I married a man who said that happiness wasn't nearly as important as meaning and we began to build a life so full of meaning that it bursts at the seems. He is a pastor and I am an adoption professional and we have 12 kids. Does that just scream meaning or what? We are certainly attempting to do meaningful things with our time.

However, I gotta worn you, the more people's lives you touch, the more opportunities you will have to be disappointed. People make choices and they aren't always good ones. People say and do things that are unkind and hurtful. Many people are so wrapped up in their own lives and issues that they don't even notice when they are affecting others.

And so today I'm just feeling tired -- tired of being disappointed. Tired of people letting me down when they don't even know it. I refuse to live in the kind of world where I have such low expectations that I'm never disappointed -- who wants to live like that? But even as my expectations have lowered over time, I am still disappointed sometimes.

It's not really anything specific today - just the collection of things that surrounds me everywhere I look.... people not living up to their potential, people making poor choices, systems made up of people who fail others, and lack of sleep!

I may not be able to fix other people, but I can take care of me -- so I may just have to have a nap before Isaac comes over today! It's sounding like a very good plan (I've been up since 4:30....)

Courtney sent this picture after she fed him baby food for the first time last night. I'm not thinking he was thrilled with the whole idea based on his expression but she said he ate them!


DynamicDuo said...

I am so right there with you on this one. The medical professionals call the physical aspect adrenal fatique - the body and mind living under constant stress that the cortisol levels remain high and the body and mind cannot keep it up. To me I classify it as life fatique, so much effort and work for so little return, it's as though we are stuck treading water with no rescue boat in sight. I think some of us need to gather and laugh our way out of this stage.

Claudia said...

You set it up and I'll be there... ;-)

robyncalgary said...

"we began to build a life so full of meaning that it bursts at the seems."

love this :)

and great picture of isaac, thank you for sharing. maybe its just me but i see salinda in this picture, i know theres drama there for you but hopefully one day you can take and post a picture of the cousins together <3

sorry youre feeling tired and frustrated today, thinking of you and your family