Inadequacy

Yesterday was a great day. Our church services were awesome, my girls were snuggling (even though they're almost getting too old for that) everyone behaved. Afterwards seven of the kids (everyone who was home) went out to lunch and then to a park with us.

We came home feeling mighty good about our kids and parenting.

This morning the tide turned. We had a meeting at the psych hospital where one of our 16 year olds is. The bottom line was that he is blaming me for his mistakes and that even the therapist was labeling my attempts to get him to do the right thing as "conditional love."

I hate it when I pour myself out only to have professionals come in and make me feel like I've done something wrong. Ever since we started this whole "out of home placement" deal with our boys, their lives have gotten worse, and yet still someone manages to write or say something every time that makes me feel like I did something wrong.

I'm not the one assaulting staff members, or physically harming my "peers", or stealing conditioner from the office, or having to be restrained.

I'm just the one that is attending the meetings, reading the reports, making the phone calls, going to the visits, filling out the paperwork, checking boxes on psych test after psych test....

And yet when they screw up, I'm the problem...

So, after the meeting, I have to get him clothes and drive another 50 miles round trip to take him some clothes because their was the insinuation that we were not properly caring for him even though we did not make the decision to send him there.

Heavy heavy sigh.