It's Different When We Have the Power

This morning, yes, the morning after the lambasting Bart had to give MIke where he told him to leave everyone and their stuff alone, I find little Wilson heading upstairs to get his new Nintendo DS that his birthsister bought him as a going away present. Why? Because Mike wanted to play it.

SO, when Mike overhears me correcting Wilson, he gets snotty and rude. But there is a difference now. Now we have the power.

When he was under 18 he had the power. And he used it, too. Used it to manipulate the system into nearly terminating our rights, into going from facility to facility because he didn't like one so well, used it to achieve his ultimate goal -- foster care -- which he achieved (though it lasted 8 days). During the process, it was "the best interest of the child" that motivated the professionals in his life. When we pointed out his issues, we were making excuses for him. When we suggested a different plan, we were being uncooperative. When we explained how our family was being victimized, we were ignoring his needs.

But a strange thing happened when, a few weeks after turning 18, he walked away from the Halfway House that his juvenile probation officer set up for him. When he left, she closed the case. Boom. Done. Over. He was 18 and all of the sudden, we were the only people that cared about him in the world. When he mentioned to others his horrible childhood with us, instead of immediately jumping in to help him, they told him it was time to get over that. When he asked for foster care, but insisted he had no mental illness or developmental delays, they nearly laughed.

And so now, at 18 and a half and one offense away from 2 years in prison, he is sleeping on our couch. He has made the choice to live here and because he cannot set up boundaries for himself (part of his disability) we have to set them for him. And they are going to be harsh and strict and tight. And when he steps outside by even a millimeter, he is going to be corrected.

And so, this morning when he started to get rude, I explained to him that he was NOT going to victimize anyone in our house again. And that he had just heard the lecture last night, so obviously he wasn't going to get it. And that i didn't expect him to get it, but that when I did have to correct him, he was NOT going to be rude to me. And I reminded him that he didn't have to stay with us.

Hopefully his reminder of the last few months of couch surfing and wondering where he was going to sleep and what he was going to eat are a strong enough reason to keep him here. And hopefully the jail cells he's been in will stay fresh enough for him to get his life together.

But there is no more compromise now. We are not legally responsible for him. And the other children will not be victimized. So the choice is his. And it feels a lot differently when we have the power.