Thursday, May 06, 2010

Cause and Effect Thinking ... I just Cracked Myself Up

I actually seriously just spent a few minutes thinking that a short speech I had given one of my adult children with FASD yesterday had effected their behavior this morning.

This particular person needed a ride to work yesterday so I awakened him at the normal time and he chose to lie there for 20 minutes. He was thus 5 minutes late to the van and, since the person who usually gives Tony and Jimmy a ride was going to school, it was a very full van. Overfull. The other kids are crammed in there, patiently waiting, when he finally comes out and sees how full the van is and says, "F*** this, I'm going to walk" or something equally charming. I then said I was having a hard time believing he would put us through all that without even accepting the ride that everyone had so patiently endured to provide for him. He finally got in the van.

I calmly reminded him of the day earlier where there had been lunch, and drugs, and emergency room transportation. I mentioned that this is why it was hard for me -- that my feelings about him didn't come out of nowhere. I reminded him that he had agreed to load the dishwasher but had not done so at all. He had a rebuttal of course about why he wasn't ready by 7:30. He insinuated that he was not at fault for anything that morning -- that there was no way to get in the shower because everyone showered then, that even though I woke him up, he knew he couldn't get in the bathroom anyway, etc. etc.

I simply said "You're 21 years old. You have a cell phone with an alarm on it. You can get up whenever you'd like and have time in the bathroom before everyone else."

This morning at 6:40 (my time to shower) he was in the bathroom. I was happy to wait a few minutes to get in there, and he went fast. I even suggested to him that he could make a sandwich for lunch.

And then I began to think about my lecture and how it must have "taken hold." For a good 15 minutes, I was congratulating myself that I had gotten through to him. I was envisioning more mornings like this. But then it hit me...... and I laughed. This morning may have something to do with what I said yesterday, but it may not have anything at ALl to do with it. He could have woken up with a full bladder at 6:30 and decided to hop in the shower since he was up anyway. He could have plans to meet a friend this morning. He could.... fill in the blank. I'm really laughing now that I was pleased as punch with myself for my effective lecture.

So far we've had a good morning. He is up and showered and happy. Tomorrow morning we may have a repeat of yesterday, or a repeat of today and I wouldn't bet a nickel on either side because I have no idea which it will be.

Welcome to FASD.

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