Mike had court yesterday and today he will be transferring up to prison about two hours from here. He will serve 112 days which should have him released by the time the baby is born in June. After that he will be on parole for a few months, but his probation will be over. Probation and FASD are a really bad combination. I know he's dreading being there, but this might just be the turnaround for him.
John has court today. I will be going with Courtney.
Bart and I visited both of them last night. It's a very interesting place. Many times there are girlfriends in there and I am amazed at how they are still being treated poorly by someone who is behind bars. The guy is locked up and they still can't stand up and walk away. It makes me sad for them.
To me, it's a great opportunity to build relationships -- when they are behind bars and only have 30 minutes a day that they can visit someone -- they tend to be a little nicer. ANd knowing you can stand up and walk away if they get nasty is fairly freeing. I enjoy trying to keep things light hearted and make them laugh and since the conversations are being recorded I often want them to have something interesting to listen to. I think I'm hilarious. But you knew that.
Maybe jail ministry is something I should start doing, although I'm not sure that Bart would think it was a good idea for me to be visiting some of those other guys in there. I wonder how many of them never get a visit. Hmmm.
I'll keep you posted on further outcomes. John's hearing today will probably be inconclusive, but I'll let you know that later.
4 comments:
Having to wait for an outcome after going to court is never fun, especially if you're waiting to hear about a family member. My parents were in court yesterday about my 13 yr old sister Lauren, who is currently living in a foster home. This past year has been pretty rough for us, so I can only imagine what you're going through. Keep your head up!
Maybe you can come visit my son when he ends up in jail (when, not if). He has FASD too but he's not the most pleasant person to parent (but he LOVES people who aren't family!) so visiting him in jail is not in the cards for me. There is alot you can tolerate when the person isn't malicious and threatening - I have a few kids like that, and I will visit them IF they end up in jail. This son? not gonna happen. It really makes you less judgemental when you live thru situations with your kids and know that they know better, but just can't or won't make the changes they need to. I look at every news story differently now. I find I'm having a whole lot more empathy for the parents of the kids in jail. TV programs constantly portray serial killers and psychopaths as people who were abused as children, but I know that's not always true. In fact, it's probably rarely true.
You have a much better sense of humor than I do. I wish I could just let things go and flow with it. Loving them without thinking too hard about the behaviors - I'm definitely not there yet.
Lisa: WEll, if you knew my son, you'd know it has taken a long time for us to get here. This is the first time I have been able to distance myself emotionally enough to do this ... you'll get there if you remain open to it...
I didn't always used to have this approach to things -- I've seen some pretty bitter days in my past.. but I was determined not to stay there....
It takes some time but can be done.
Praying for y'all. Thanks for your perspective and sharing your challenges. It's helped me to accept the things I cannot change about my child - he's not an academic star and is a pack rat/squirrel (issues left from a transient childhood) - and appreciate his positives - he is athletically gifted, has many appropriate friends and cares about helping others. Hugs - J
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