AAAAAAGHHHH!

So, why am I letting out a scream of frustration, you ask? Well, let me tell you, since you're asking.

Last night Bart got held up in a meeting after saying he was making dinner and I didn't know if he would change his mind about cooking or come home and make it so I wouldn't let the kids fix their own or take them out. He got home at 5:30 and a couple of them were acting as though they were going to die if supper wasn't at 6. He was crabby -- and had good reason to but I can't blog it. If I told you what happen you would probably either faint or cry. My husband is the most appropriate, polite, professional, kind, gentle person on earth and he is NEVER rude or mean. And so when he is treated rudely and meanly it's very hard for him -- and even harder for me. Punching someone in the nose probably isn't something I can or should do at this point in my life, so we turn the other cheek... but it's still annoying!

So him coming home crabby and late in addition to the missing medication for Dominyk and the fact nobody had eaten led to one of those perfect storms and WOW was it a bad 15 minutes. Fortunately, Dominyk punched a hole in a door that already had a whole in it and I encouraged him to continue to punch that particular door until we sold the house since it needed to be replaced anyway. I know, I live in a weird world.

After the huge outburst the rest of the evening seemed to go OK except that my major stressor was losing the data from my phone and restoring it to factory settings thinking I had a backup, but somehow because of a faulty cord (that my kids have borrowed and apparently broken) I didn't get my stuff backed up. The super important stuff -- emails, contacts (over 4000 of them), and calendars -- are all stored on Itunes and my music and photos are as well. However, my voice mails (several which needed a response) and my five year text message history were gone.

I did back up my computer on April 3rd so this morning I am in the process of trying to get things back the way they were on that day. However, this kind of stress is not something that I wanted or needed this week so I am feeling very much like screaming about that.

And then there is the lingering frustration of a ZERO tolerance world while raising kids who need a LOT of tolerance... and the chore of trying to explain things to adults -- professionals, strangers, neighbors, etc -- who really don't want to get it. It's bad enough that I am trying to explain things to kids who can't get it even if they want to than to have to deal daily with those who don't get it and have no interest in doing so.

I know I'm not being eloquent this morning, but I just get tired of it sometimes. I used to be a very neat black and white thinker 16 years ago. My world fit together very nicely. And I enjoyed holding my head high and proud because I had things figured out. But in order to do that I had to ignore the pain, suffering and just plain crap that is happening in the world around me. When I did that everything felt good and I could have it all figured out.

In writing that it reminded me of a song that I LOVED as a teenager -- back in the 70s when I was starting to figure out that the world was a place that needed changing and that I could be a part of changing it. I am linking the YouTube so that you can hear it -- but I searched my blog and found the entry where I referred to it. It's worth reading the entry -- because it is about Jimmy as was yesterdays ordeal.

But I only posted the chorus of hte song, so here are all the lyrics -- you should listen to it too just to see what a weird kid I was in the 70s while everyone else was in love with the BeeJees. I thought Daniel Amos was the coolest ever. The quote on the YouTube cracks me up -- it says:

Lyrically, the album contains social commentary so harsh that CCM described it as "perhaps the most scathing ever put out by a Christian label."
- Wikipedia

I was already becoming a wacko back when I was 17....

The band used cryptic, but I think you can figure out that they were talking about how the starving children videos come on TV while having breakfast and jars their day -- so they simply turn the channel.

Daniel Amos - ¡Alarma! 1981

Faces to the Window

I go to work I work hard, I do come home exhausted
I go to sleep quite early, lights off and I roll over
Nice and keeping warm, the morning comes too soon
All is well and it's O.K., till I hear the bell and I say
"My little breakfast is a little bit of hell"

For they got their faces to the window
Pressin' their faces to the window
Little bitty beggars with the great big eyes
I turn the channel but to my surprise
They still press their faces to the, window

I go to church each sunday, I go to lovely picnics
I say my prayers at bedtime, I try to be a witness
I lose a little sleep, but I whistle while I make my bed
The summer sun is shining, in clouds a silver lining
Why do I find I'm shouting, "When is Thy kingdom coming?"

Got their faces to the window
Pressin' their faces to the window
Little bitty beggars with the great big eyes
I turn the channel but to my surprise
They still press their faces to the window

I go to work I work hard, I do come home exhausted
I go to sleep quite early, lights off and I roll over
Nice and keeping warm, the morning comes too soon
All is well and it's O.K., till I hear the bell and I say
"My little breakfast is a little bit of hell"

For they got their faces to the window
Pressin' their faces to the window
Little bitty beggars with the great big eyes
I turn the channel but to my surprise
They still press their faces to the
They still press their faces to the window
They still press their faces to the
They still press their faces to the window